Published on 12, July, 2020
Last year, I found myself in the midst of a social media pile-on as a result of screenshots of private conversations. I did behave badly, but it didn't make a difference to how bad I felt. It started out as accountability but quickly became bullying - it was like the whole world hated me. I no longer had any support and thousands of strangers were calling me pretty much every name under the sun. They also expected me to deal with the situation like a neurotypical person.
I only speak to a therapist at present, in terms of an individual person I have conversations with about anything. I feel like there's no incentive to get better, even though I've learnt a lot from the experience. The shame and the guilt eats me up, and I believe I'm the worst person that ever existed.
Because it was of my own making, I feel like it doesn't count. I feel like there has to be a different word for self-inflicted trauma.
It's as though I've convinced myself that someone will tell me it's not valid, even though I would not respect the opinion of someone who would say that anyway.
The question is, did the punishment fi the crime. If your words were private, (if distasteful), a social media "lynching" is a far greater abuse.
I had no problem with people calling me out in private. If it was kept as that, I'd probably be in a better place.