Published on 12, July, 2020
My son left uni with a masters in physics but can’t get a job. His dad died during his time there so I am the only parent and he lives at home with me and his 22 yr old brother. He stays in his room all day with the curtains shut . He accepts he is different but doesn’t not want to be diagnosed , he refuses to accept interventions to help his mental health. He went to see a therapist who specialises in working with clients with autism. He refused to go back despite her identifying areas to help him. He gets so angry so quickly, my youngest son wanted to move out because he can’t live with the fear of his anger! If I approach him about anything he gets upset and angry . I want to help him , not alienate him. It’s been over 6 months since I have tried to get him to help himself and now I need to try again but don’t know what to do? What area to discuss first ?
It seems like he has not processed the death of his father. How about the rest of the family, have they? A sensitive lad will pick up on it and freeze in place. He has experienced a significant loss and is struggling to find his way through it and cant find a model to go by.
He has come to a boulder in the road along his life's path. Once he finds a way to address and process the loss he can leverage the boulder aside, perhaps with a few helping hands, if he'll allow.
Also, since his passion is physics, reach him through physics. "Meet" him on his home turf.
He refused to go back to see the counsellor who identified he needed to process his Dads death. His sister and brother have had counselling and have told him he needs it . Sadly he won’t acknowledge it. Could you say a bit more about your suggestion of reaching him through physics. He is very intelligent…I’m not sure I have the ability
Did he get on well with any of his teachers?
Try reaching out to someone who knows him in his chosen field who may know of a situation that would suit. Working side by side with another physicist in a lab setting, for example. Something for him to do? May crack the door open for him. He processes grief in a very different way than you and the other kids, it's obs, and may need a novel approach that doesn't announce itself as "counselor", but as colleague.
OR. It may be he can manage his grieving process with another
counselor, one that is adept with autistic people.