Published on 12, July, 2020
My son left uni with a masters in physics but can’t get a job. His dad died during his time there so I am the only parent and he lives at home with me and his 22 yr old brother. He stays in his room all day with the curtains shut . He accepts he is different but doesn’t not want to be diagnosed , he refuses to accept interventions to help his mental health. He went to see a therapist who specialises in working with clients with autism. He refused to go back despite her identifying areas to help him. He gets so angry so quickly, my youngest son wanted to move out because he can’t live with the fear of his anger! If I approach him about anything he gets upset and angry . I want to help him , not alienate him. It’s been over 6 months since I have tried to get him to help himself and now I need to try again but don’t know what to do? What area to discuss first ?
Personally, I would tell him that he needs to find HIS way of establishing HIS life so that it can be sustainable for HIM without the need for him to be a viewed as an parasite on YOU and YOUR life ‐ in YOUR home.
If he doesn't want your suggestions and offers of help...then that's fine. BUT, contributing nothing and generating tensions with other members of your loved household, well, that isn't sustainable.
He is a capable grown man who is refusing your kindly help whilst abusing the kindness and tolerance you are extending to him in your home.
Don't infantalise him. Tell him how it is.
Good luck. [And for the record, I am not a "tough love" advocate.....merely a problem solver at heart.]
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Please see my reply to Iain above. It is not that he is a financial burden. I have supported him up to now, but I have recently retired and am now on a pension and reduced monthly income I have explained to him and his brother we now need to share the bills equally which he is willing to do. If I tell him to make his own way he would use all his savings to live on. I will give great consideration to how this kind community have replied with ideas and see how I can progress to help him reach his full potential