Published on 12, July, 2020
I get a lot of anxiety because of dust, germs + cleaning all the time. I'm a bit of a clean freak but then vice versa I rarely clean because of the anxiety it's a vicious cycle and I feel trapped with it now + it's really bringing me down and I feel it's making my autoimmune problems worse because of the dust and bacteria. I have a chronic sore throat and I'm sure it's because of this.
I live with my parents, dad is always working and my mum has a brain tumour - it's benign but it is growing steadily and has started to impact her sight so she'll likely have it operated this year so I want to keep the house clean + neat and tidy for her and I feel really bad and lazy that it's currently in a really bad place. Sometimes I feel like the worst daughter in the world - I want to help - the intent is there but I'm unable to bring myself to do it because of my anxiety. I worry about stirring up the dust + I don't like how it never looks clean after.
Reading online I've read that some people use car microfiber mittens for dusting rather than cloths - apparently this works really well so I am interested in using one, just to see how good it is - but getting over the initial anxiety is the hard part. It's extra hard now because my mums health is bad and a massive worry but I'm hoping she will make a full recovery.
It feels like everything is happening all at once, like the year my dad got diagnosed with diabetes and my sister died. I'm coping ok at the moment - not on any medication - no longer suffering from mental health - but things are hard and I'm holding on to hope it will all be ok again, eventually.
I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or just need to vent a bit? A parent going through this, is going to be stressful, so no amount of advice will ease the weight you might feels, and thus possibly exhaustion, too? You've been through quite a bit & I'm really sorry about your sister.
There are lots of studies now showing anxiety is biological for us. I've been taking a gut/immune building nootropics blend (just mushrooms) - on and off for nearly a quarter of a century and steadily in the last 3 years due to health and it's really helped ease daily anxiety along with digesting what I'm not intolerant to. Anxiety can be helped in a few other ways as well, most often with knowledge/new perspective creating the power to navigate life with a bit more ease and agency.
As for dust, it is harmful, and you could be right as it will irritate your throat. I have a few different air filters which help immensely. They're not cheap, but after moving to the UK from the US, I'm paying far less for health care so justify it. Briiv is building a new one and their filter replacements are the most economical. But could be worth looking into?
I also have animal hair dusters - dust literally sticks to them (as microfibre is a plastic, and repels most other substances) and they'll biodegrade quick if I ever need to throw them out. Just a thought, as at some point continually throwing out plastic-based cleaning products was bothersome. Again, a little more expensive, but I've found they work far better & last much longer so it evens out.