Up until very recently, I had what can best be described as an on-off friendship with someone. During the early days of our on-off friendship, we discovered something that we had in common, which we had talked at length about on more than one occasion. We had both considered it an amazing coincidence that we had links to a particular area of the UK. This one particular thing we had in common had been etched into my memory. Maybe it's just me, but when I'm getting to know a person, I don't tend to forget stuff like that.
A few days ago, I discovered that this on-off friend (now a former NAS member) appeared to have forgotten all about those conversations. There had been a forum discussion I had contributed to where I had mentioned I had a connection to South Wales. This seemed to surprise my on-off friend. In addition to commenting that they were unaware of this connection, they then proceeded to tell me about their connection to South Wales, which I (of course) already knew.
I stared at my computer monitor in a state of disbelief, feeling incredibly hurt. Out of all the things that my on-off friend and I had talked about, our connection with South Wales is the one thing that I thought they would remember. However, with the benefit of hindsight, I'm now wondering if they genuinely had no recollection of those conversations, or if it was just what they wanted me to think.
During the past couple of years, this on-off friend has had a history of pushing me away, cutting all contact, and then reappearing back in my life weeks or months later. When they last reappeared in my life, I had serious reservations about letting them back in. However, it seemed as though they were trying to make an effort and planned to stick around. A couple of weeks ago, this on-off friend decided to surprise me with a truly lovely gift set. During the past couple of years, I had sent them letters and greeting cards, but this was the first time that I had ever been on the receiving end of something from them. I felt incredibly touched. I found myself thinking that they would not have gone to the effort and expense of sending me that gift set if they did not care about me in some way.
Unfortunately, I am now feeling rather confused and conflicted. Yes, history has repeated itself and my on-off friend has done another disappearing act. I am a person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt. I am the kind of person who is willing to put my time and effort into friendships, and fight for them... providing I feel those friendships are worth fighting for. As things stand, I currently have no idea if this on-off friend will suddenly reappear back in my life. If they do, I question if I will be quite so willing to give them another chance.
Whilst I generally try to keep my expectations low, I feel like I've spent the past two years stuck in a cycle of having my hopes built up and then dashed. My gut feeling is that my on-off friend thinks they are doing me a favour each time they waltz out of my life. They have their issues, but the one thing that upsets me is that they don't seem to realise or care that the person they are hurting the most is themself. Some people might think I'm crazy to care about my on-off friend to the extent that I do, but I genuinely do fear for what the future holds for them.
