Hi all,
Looking to see if anyone has had or does have a similar experience to what I'm going through at the moment.
It's like every decision I try to make comes with a huge amount of internal monologue and thoughts about if it's the "right" or "best decision" or not. Or "what does this mean about me" if I choose this. This can be about really ridiculously simple things. A prime example being yesterday when I was upset and tired. I went to my bed to try and calm down, I then thought about going back down stairs to do something but really just wanted to lay back down in bed. This led to a huge amount of internal debate over "if I layed back down would that make me lazy?", "no your being stupid your tired", "but there's better and more productive things to do", "but youll not be able to do them properly becuase your tired". This sort of arguing with myself in my head but at a much faster pace, a lot more self critical and it all gets so loud and busy. Then I start to feel bad that I can't even allow myself to make a harmless simple decision, such as laying down in my bed.
It's like I'm trying to over control myself, like I can't just allow myself to be or trust that I'll get the things done I need to eventually and I'll meet my goals in time. Does anyone else get like this? The more I think about it the more I see how I've been like this for a lot of my life in so many areas. It's exhausting.
