Hello. I am an AMAB adult (I identify as non-binary, however) in their 20s who was diagnosed with autism (specifically Asperger's Syndrome) from a young age, and I also have a severe anxiety disorder and PTSD. For practically my whole life I have had very few friends due to my struggles I can have frequently with interacting and being around other people. I have a great weariness of other humans due to the fact I was bullied with both mental and physical abyse, every single day in my school years for my "unusual" behaviours and "childish" or "stupid" interests that I fixated heavily on (and very much still do). This, combined with an abusive living situation at the hands of a parent,which had extended for a number of years beyond me finishing school, has left me thoroughly traumatised and full of anger and genuine fear around others. I am receiving treatment currently for severe PTSD and am on medication too, having been on the latter for many years.
With all this in mind, I began to form friendships online in the past 2-3 years as part of a site that I used (as I struggle to speak to others even more in-person and also feel extremely alienated by other people where I live in my small town, due to lacked of shared interests or commonalities), and I have a group chat with some mutual friends on the Discord app, where we often chat frequently. We are very comfortable and fond of each other, but as the title of the thread states I struggle with the idea that if I don't talk to them for a bit, or if they're having a bad time emotionally with their own issues or just a bad day at work or whatever, they will still like me and view me as a friend.
I feel it may be comorbid with my intense flashbacks and anxieties of late, but I've began to obsess that my friends actually hate me or don't want to be friends anymore all of a sudden. I realise rationally there's no evidence I can produce when I think about this, but it's been eating at me as I feel I have been a lot happier despite my daily struggles with illness, sensory issues and flashbacks since making these friends in the past several years as said and I don't want to lose them. I haven't seen any reason to believe that they will (as we have a good mutual understanding and we're all near enough in the same boat with our conditions and all in the server, and will even talk things out sensibly if a disagreement or issue arises) but I hate worrying about this and the prospect of being completely alone again.
Does anyone else here have this kind of issue with object permanence (but with other people, albeit)? If so, are you able to respond to it well? Do you have any advice?
Thank you for reading. :)