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Can’t cope with change or the not knowing. I also hate being called my full name.

Rach91

Hi my name is Rachel and I am really struggling when a plan might change and the not knowing if it will or not. This has caused a lot of issues for my mental health and my relationship. How can I learn to deal with changes and the not knowing. Also I am fed up of people calling me Rachel when I prefer to be known as Rach. This one person in particular my boyfriend who also has ASD like me I have tried talking to him he won’t listen I have tried correcting him when he says Rachel I say rach back he still doesn’t listen. I have even told him I think he is being disrespectful to my wishes and then causes us to argue and I don’t want to argue over a stupid name. I am so desperate I have even thought about legally changing my name from Rachel to Rach. I really hate these triggers I keep having especially when plans can change and I don’t know what the new plans are going to be. What ways can help me cope? How can I get my boyfriend to respect my wishes on calling me what I prefer and it’s not just him some other friends are like this as well? I feel like screaming when someone calls me Rachel all the time it really annoys me. 

Parents

  • Presumably you explained to your boyfriend why your full name is such a trigger for you? Assuming you have and he still uses it I can see why you would consider that disrespectful. However it may be a habit that is hard for him to break.

    Sometimes autistic people can have unreliable speech, whereby what comes out isn't necessarily what they intended to say. I know I do when I try to say something and come out with one of my previous well used script responses instead. It may be that your boyfriend has got so used to using your full name that it just comes out automatically without thinking.

    This article that I posted on another thread may be helpful to you, in understanding how your brain has created a negative association with the use of your full name. Once you understand what is happening then you can begin to try and replace those negative responses with more positive ones. Not easy I know.

    https://www.barrierstoeducation.co.uk/autism-and-trauma

    Changing plans is something that many autistic people do struggle with a lot (me included). I plan everything as carefully as I can and try and have at least one back up plan ready for when invariably things don't go to plan. Make it clear to people that you are going to need as much notice as possible if plans have to change. Something sprung last minute is likely to trigger a meltdown or shutdown.

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  • Presumably you explained to your boyfriend why your full name is such a trigger for you? Assuming you have and he still uses it I can see why you would consider that disrespectful. However it may be a habit that is hard for him to break.

    Sometimes autistic people can have unreliable speech, whereby what comes out isn't necessarily what they intended to say. I know I do when I try to say something and come out with one of my previous well used script responses instead. It may be that your boyfriend has got so used to using your full name that it just comes out automatically without thinking.

    This article that I posted on another thread may be helpful to you, in understanding how your brain has created a negative association with the use of your full name. Once you understand what is happening then you can begin to try and replace those negative responses with more positive ones. Not easy I know.

    https://www.barrierstoeducation.co.uk/autism-and-trauma

    Changing plans is something that many autistic people do struggle with a lot (me included). I plan everything as carefully as I can and try and have at least one back up plan ready for when invariably things don't go to plan. Make it clear to people that you are going to need as much notice as possible if plans have to change. Something sprung last minute is likely to trigger a meltdown or shutdown.

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