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Can’t cope with change or the not knowing. I also hate being called my full name.

Rach91

Hi my name is Rachel and I am really struggling when a plan might change and the not knowing if it will or not. This has caused a lot of issues for my mental health and my relationship. How can I learn to deal with changes and the not knowing. Also I am fed up of people calling me Rachel when I prefer to be known as Rach. This one person in particular my boyfriend who also has ASD like me I have tried talking to him he won’t listen I have tried correcting him when he says Rachel I say rach back he still doesn’t listen. I have even told him I think he is being disrespectful to my wishes and then causes us to argue and I don’t want to argue over a stupid name. I am so desperate I have even thought about legally changing my name from Rachel to Rach. I really hate these triggers I keep having especially when plans can change and I don’t know what the new plans are going to be. What ways can help me cope? How can I get my boyfriend to respect my wishes on calling me what I prefer and it’s not just him some other friends are like this as well? I feel like screaming when someone calls me Rachel all the time it really annoys me. 

Parents

  • If it's of any consolation, I used to have a strong dislike of my first name, possibly because of the way it sounded when my parents were angry or frustrated with me. I wanted people to shorten it, but nobody would... Well, not until I was in my teens. The funny thing is that as I've gotten older (middle-aged), I now don't mind people addressing me by my full name, and it's the name I give when I'm asked my name (as opposed to the shortened version of it). It doesn't bother me either way now whether people use my full name, or the shortened version of it.

    What does infuriate me though is that sometimes people (often elderly relatives) can get my name and my mother's name muddled, and I think it's because our first names both start with the same letter.

    I do understand how frustrating it must be for you when you have specifically asked people (including your boyfriend) to call you by your shortened name, and they continue to call you by your full name. If you were to legally change your first name, I'm inclined to think that you would still get people calling you 'Rachel'. I think all you can do is just keep reminding people that you prefer to be called 'Rach' - as frustrating as that may be.

    As for struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing if plans may be subject to change, that is something that many of us here can relate to. Some more than others. Regrettably, I'm unable to offer any useful advice on that. Quite often, I find that I sometimes need to change plans at the last minute, which means having to be flexible. As a result, I do not consider it fair of me to expect other people to be flexible with me if I'm not willing to do the same in return.

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  • If it's of any consolation, I used to have a strong dislike of my first name, possibly because of the way it sounded when my parents were angry or frustrated with me. I wanted people to shorten it, but nobody would... Well, not until I was in my teens. The funny thing is that as I've gotten older (middle-aged), I now don't mind people addressing me by my full name, and it's the name I give when I'm asked my name (as opposed to the shortened version of it). It doesn't bother me either way now whether people use my full name, or the shortened version of it.

    What does infuriate me though is that sometimes people (often elderly relatives) can get my name and my mother's name muddled, and I think it's because our first names both start with the same letter.

    I do understand how frustrating it must be for you when you have specifically asked people (including your boyfriend) to call you by your shortened name, and they continue to call you by your full name. If you were to legally change your first name, I'm inclined to think that you would still get people calling you 'Rachel'. I think all you can do is just keep reminding people that you prefer to be called 'Rach' - as frustrating as that may be.

    As for struggling with the uncertainty of not knowing if plans may be subject to change, that is something that many of us here can relate to. Some more than others. Regrettably, I'm unable to offer any useful advice on that. Quite often, I find that I sometimes need to change plans at the last minute, which means having to be flexible. As a result, I do not consider it fair of me to expect other people to be flexible with me if I'm not willing to do the same in return.

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