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Can’t cope with change or the not knowing. I also hate being called my full name.

Rach91

Hi my name is Rachel and I am really struggling when a plan might change and the not knowing if it will or not. This has caused a lot of issues for my mental health and my relationship. How can I learn to deal with changes and the not knowing. Also I am fed up of people calling me Rachel when I prefer to be known as Rach. This one person in particular my boyfriend who also has ASD like me I have tried talking to him he won’t listen I have tried correcting him when he says Rachel I say rach back he still doesn’t listen. I have even told him I think he is being disrespectful to my wishes and then causes us to argue and I don’t want to argue over a stupid name. I am so desperate I have even thought about legally changing my name from Rachel to Rach. I really hate these triggers I keep having especially when plans can change and I don’t know what the new plans are going to be. What ways can help me cope? How can I get my boyfriend to respect my wishes on calling me what I prefer and it’s not just him some other friends are like this as well? I feel like screaming when someone calls me Rachel all the time it really annoys me. 

Parents

  • My parents only called me Rachel when I did something wrong and I would end up with the slipper across my legs, other than that it was Rach. I also remember I was in school and a teacher called me into this tiny office and she said now then Rachel I am concerned about this and showed me a really rude sexual letter I wrote I was 14 at the time then she started screaming at me. To me Rach means good but Rachel means bad. 

  • in reply to Rach91

    Oooh that's awful stuff.

    But that was then, this is now, and you only need to be shown (or figure out) your own power to re-define words and their associations, and that will be fixable.

    Now I don't know how rude a letter a 14 year old CHILD can actually write, but I am surprised at your adult teachers reaction to it. I can't help but wonder what literary skills you possessed as a fourteen year old to make a trained teacher loose her cool, but it's hard to not to offer you a "high five!"..

    Rachel is clearly your "badgirl" identity, it's just a part of you which you can own, control, and within limitations that you will have to work out yourself, eventually learn to get some harmless fun from. 

    Thanks for sharing, it isn't always an easy thing to do, and I really do feel I get how you feel about the name thing right now, which kinda makes me feel less alone and weird but I'm sure that you have the nous to get past al that rubbish.

    If you just give your self a bit of time and allow yourself (for example) to reframe that awful incident which occurred when you were 14 and awash with god knows what female chemicals & hormones your strange bodies produce (and still do if my other half is anything to go by) as perhaps far less serious than your teacher made it out to be at the time, you could even lose a lot of psychological baggage..

    What do you think? Shall we ask the audience?

    Sometimes I am horribly wrong and outdated in my thinking, it's always best to get a second and even third opinion before believing an internet stranger....

Reply
  • in reply to Rach91

    Oooh that's awful stuff.

    But that was then, this is now, and you only need to be shown (or figure out) your own power to re-define words and their associations, and that will be fixable.

    Now I don't know how rude a letter a 14 year old CHILD can actually write, but I am surprised at your adult teachers reaction to it. I can't help but wonder what literary skills you possessed as a fourteen year old to make a trained teacher loose her cool, but it's hard to not to offer you a "high five!"..

    Rachel is clearly your "badgirl" identity, it's just a part of you which you can own, control, and within limitations that you will have to work out yourself, eventually learn to get some harmless fun from. 

    Thanks for sharing, it isn't always an easy thing to do, and I really do feel I get how you feel about the name thing right now, which kinda makes me feel less alone and weird but I'm sure that you have the nous to get past al that rubbish.

    If you just give your self a bit of time and allow yourself (for example) to reframe that awful incident which occurred when you were 14 and awash with god knows what female chemicals & hormones your strange bodies produce (and still do if my other half is anything to go by) as perhaps far less serious than your teacher made it out to be at the time, you could even lose a lot of psychological baggage..

    What do you think? Shall we ask the audience?

    Sometimes I am horribly wrong and outdated in my thinking, it's always best to get a second and even third opinion before believing an internet stranger....

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