• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 1770 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Can’t cope with change or the not knowing. I also hate being called my full name.

Rach91

Hi my name is Rachel and I am really struggling when a plan might change and the not knowing if it will or not. This has caused a lot of issues for my mental health and my relationship. How can I learn to deal with changes and the not knowing. Also I am fed up of people calling me Rachel when I prefer to be known as Rach. This one person in particular my boyfriend who also has ASD like me I have tried talking to him he won’t listen I have tried correcting him when he says Rachel I say rach back he still doesn’t listen. I have even told him I think he is being disrespectful to my wishes and then causes us to argue and I don’t want to argue over a stupid name. I am so desperate I have even thought about legally changing my name from Rachel to Rach. I really hate these triggers I keep having especially when plans can change and I don’t know what the new plans are going to be. What ways can help me cope? How can I get my boyfriend to respect my wishes on calling me what I prefer and it’s not just him some other friends are like this as well? I feel like screaming when someone calls me Rachel all the time it really annoys me. 

Parents

  • I have a very similar thing with "nicknames" and I recognise the deep sense of revulsion it engenders when people insist on using a name that THEY like for you.

    It took me until age fifty one to find a psychological "workaround" so that stuff would stop annoying me...

    I am old, I've got to the point that so many things annoy me that the very feeling of being annoyed is too annoying to endure. I can probably save you a lot of time being annoyed at being called by your full name if you are willing to suspend your disbelief.

    But let's see what the more convemtionally minded, enlightened, younger people have to say first...

  • in reply to I Sperg

    im bad with names so i dont remember peoples names while everyone else seems to just remember names easy or repeat them to remember them. i dont bother, and i dont use names much, i try to stay as ...third person... or would it be fourth person... whatever avoids names, like you, him, that guy, just avoid name entirely and skip to the point. maybe just say "erm"

    ofcourse then i take the piss out of it with others when i need to come up with someone elses name to someone... i make any name up... bob.... dave.. whatever... someone similar... as close as i can remember. there was this guy called "sikander" or something and i just kept calling him "salazar" lol close enough it starts with s, got corrected then it became a bit of a joke but that made me remember him more and thus then his name sunk in later, but even when his name sunk in i still called him salazar for a laugh.

    then my process lead asked what this other guys name was and i didnt know... told him hes called bob... he started calling the guy bob for a week and one day he turned around and said "why do you keep calling me bob, im called..." forgot his name but he filled his name in, i started laughing then my process lead knew i tricked him. was funny. it can be a joke to get names wrong and even have someone believing someone is called something else and laugh as they keep using the wrong name themselves.

Reply
  • in reply to I Sperg

    im bad with names so i dont remember peoples names while everyone else seems to just remember names easy or repeat them to remember them. i dont bother, and i dont use names much, i try to stay as ...third person... or would it be fourth person... whatever avoids names, like you, him, that guy, just avoid name entirely and skip to the point. maybe just say "erm"

    ofcourse then i take the piss out of it with others when i need to come up with someone elses name to someone... i make any name up... bob.... dave.. whatever... someone similar... as close as i can remember. there was this guy called "sikander" or something and i just kept calling him "salazar" lol close enough it starts with s, got corrected then it became a bit of a joke but that made me remember him more and thus then his name sunk in later, but even when his name sunk in i still called him salazar for a laugh.

    then my process lead asked what this other guys name was and i didnt know... told him hes called bob... he started calling the guy bob for a week and one day he turned around and said "why do you keep calling me bob, im called..." forgot his name but he filled his name in, i started laughing then my process lead knew i tricked him. was funny. it can be a joke to get names wrong and even have someone believing someone is called something else and laugh as they keep using the wrong name themselves.

Children
  • in reply to Caelus
    Caelus said:
    im bad with names so i dont remember peoples names while everyone else seems to just remember names easy or repeat them to remember them. i dont bother, and i dont use names much, i try to stay as ...third person... or would it be fourth person... whatever avoids names, like you, him, that guy, just avoid name entirely and skip to the point. maybe just say "erm"

    Yep......me too.