Looking back

blank space said:

I'm told not to look back but it's where my head focuses. Maybe I try to make sense of what happened, how life has ended up this way?

My understanding is that you cannot move past these things because you don't understand them fully and have not processed the trauma associated with them.

That was how my therapist described it for me.

The therapy process of "unpacking" past events is essential to this - teasing out the details of how you felt, what it meant to you and what the significance is to you are all important to dragging those monsters out from under the bed to hold them up to the light and realise they are 6 stone weaklings with fake fangs, bald patches and moth eaten clothes 2 sizes too big for them.

Once you realise true nature of the event in terms of your experience you can start dealing with it. Here it gets a bit painful sometimes but thats why the therapist is there to guide you through it and help you do so safely without falling to harmful coping mechanisms.

Once that monster has been seen in detail, proven to be not what we feared it to be and know we have the power to deal with it then it starts to lose its power to terrify us anymore. We can look back at the event and instead or reliving it again and again we can say "I know you. You hold no power over me now. I'm going now and there is nothing you can do about it".

That is more or less how I would describe my experiences - everyone will be unique of course but the process is tried and tested and if it isn't working then then chances are you will discover why in the unpacking process and can switch tactics to a different way to deal with the underlying issue with the help of the therapist.

At the end of the day you cannot change the past. You can only learn from it and being at peace helps that constant "if only..." thought pattern. You may as well bang your head on the door of a closed down shop to get it to open for all the good it will do - you are the only one who is going to suffer.

Just my experience I thought may help.

blank space said:

I'm told not to look back but it's where my head focuses. Maybe I try to make sense of what happened, how life has ended up this way?

My understanding is that you cannot move past these things because you don't understand them fully and have not processed the trauma associated with them.

That was how my therapist described it for me.

The therapy process of "unpacking" past events is essential to this - teasing out the details of how you felt, what it meant to you and what the significance is to you are all important to dragging those monsters out from under the bed to hold them up to the light and realise they are 6 stone weaklings with fake fangs, bald patches and moth eaten clothes 2 sizes too big for them.

Once you realise true nature of the event in terms of your experience you can start dealing with it. Here it gets a bit painful sometimes but thats why the therapist is there to guide you through it and help you do so safely without falling to harmful coping mechanisms.

Once that monster has been seen in detail, proven to be not what we feared it to be and know we have the power to deal with it then it starts to lose its power to terrify us anymore. We can look back at the event and instead or reliving it again and again we can say "I know you. You hold no power over me now. I'm going now and there is nothing you can do about it".

That is more or less how I would describe my experiences - everyone will be unique of course but the process is tried and tested and if it isn't working then then chances are you will discover why in the unpacking process and can switch tactics to a different way to deal with the underlying issue with the help of the therapist.

At the end of the day you cannot change the past. You can only learn from it and being at peace helps that constant "if only..." thought pattern. You may as well bang your head on the door of a closed down shop to get it to open for all the good it will do - you are the only one who is going to suffer.

Just my experience I thought may help.

Your comments Iain are always insightful and interesting, and this one particularly speaks to me this evening. I am starting structured psychology the week after next, I had the introductory stuff of ground rules, confidentiality and info gathering etc earlier this week, and I’m hopeful. But it’s hugely involved of course, I’ve been the victim of multiple trauma from many different people over most of my life, so clearly c-ptsd, and the nightmares plus flashbacks are dreadful, not every day/night but unpredictably present most weeks.

Well I say I’m optimistic, but tbh I’m not, the nightmares can’t respond to techniques such as EMDR due to every one being different in imagery and plot, plus and I already know lots about DBT which as far as I can appreciate only works on my conscious mind, it helps in a crisis but doesn’t penetrate the core issues. It’s like my subconscious is an erant alien in my mind which no technique can control. Nevertheless I’m committed to the help being offered and will fully engage. I note your comments about unpacking and hope this will be part of the programme but it’s not clear yet. 

Thanks

Emma