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Work Anxieties

Prof

I was here a long time ago. I found this community such a helpful resource and it helped me through some of the darkest parts of my life.

Five years ago I was a mental wreck. I heard voices, I was depressed, at times I didn’t want to be here anymore and I went through the biggest fight of my life and now I am in a better place mentally. I’ve managed to get a job, I work as a personal assistant in a firm, good job actually mostly involves me typing, sometimes I’ve got to answer the phone which I find difficult but will do if I have to. Luckily there is another woman there who will usually answer the phone calls.

This last year the firm has expanded. There’s more people on my floor now, doing much the same job as me, some are constantly on the phone and I’m finding this environment different to how it was when I started ten months ago. It’s noisy now, a lot of talking all day. Even when people aren’t on the phone they talk amongst themselves and recently a new girl is sat next to me at her own desk and she’s started making conversation with me. I’m flattered that she even wants to talk, most people tend to ignore me if they can. I’m not big on talking – autism has made me very withdrawn to be honest. But this girl talks to me every day now. I feel bad because she’s giving it her all talking about the weather, her plans for the future, asking about me and I only reply with short sentences or yes and no answers. I want to talk to her more but I don’t know how to. I’m used to short conversations and short one worded answers to questions.

This is one of my worst fears at work come true. Smalltalk. A busier environment. These are all things my anxiety made me over think originally and now it’s actually happened and is happening every week day is becoming a struggle for me.

During the day I’ll take breaks, quickly go outside and just stand there for five and breathe, the bosses are fine with me doing this. One of my bosses, Suzanne, is really nice to me and understanding of my autism. I think someone she knows has it as she told me she doesn’t but has lived direct experience, so I guess maybe a child of hers has it.

I have thought of talking to her about this and my worries but I don’t want to cause a fuss and also I don’t think there’s much can be done. I can’t force everyone of the 6th floor just because I’m autistic.

I worry this will begin to trigger my mental health problems again. I never want to go to that place again... but I worry the stress will set it off again. It’s been five years. Five good years without any mental problems. I’ve been in a good place all that time and I don’t want anything ruining it for me.

I’ve got to get to work now so if anyone replies, thanks in advance, and I will reply later when I’m home.

Parents
  • Prof said:
    I worry this will begin to trigger my mental health problems again.

    I understand this. I think there are 2 main approaches you can take here:

    1 - carry on hiding in the shadows and not making a fuss until it all gets too much and you end up having a meltdown and having to leave because you can't function.

    2 - prepare a letter that you put together at home in the peace - write it to both your boss and the HR team to explain your situation and how the changing environment has become damaging to your mental health,

    If the company has proof of your diagnosis then you have some protections under law and they need to provice "reasonable adjustments" to allow you to do your job without detriment to yourself, so you should frame your response using the words in quotes and more importantly, decide what a reasonable change would be.

    Clearly if there are no private spaces that you can reasonable make your own then you need to create a virtual space using headphones and possibly with some higher cubicle walls or similar. Take time to research what could be done and maybe come up with several plans.

    When ready present the letter to your boss and copy to HR - and ask to have a meeting to discuss this and have a supporting colleague in the meeting with you in case it becomes a bit overwhelming and you end up agreeing to something you don't want. Make sure the colleague knows what their role is here (to be your advocate if you struggle) and if necessary join a union and bring a union rep.

    The reason for this is that the companies growth tends to bring with it less of a personal touch that has helped you so far so you need to be proactive and look after your own interests. It is only for a short period and typically will be in written communications with the occassional meeting where you have friendly support so it is worth getting it done.

    We tend to avoid confrontation and asking for our needs to be met, but in your situation I think it important to do this now while you still have a friendly management to support creating a different work environment for you to thrive in.

    Lastly, and least importantly, I would suggest buying a present for the new girl a little box of chocolates or similar and include a card that says "I really appreciate you trying to make conversation with me. I'm autistic and I'm afraid this is really difficult for me to handle so sorry if I appear cold or unreceptive. Please carry on being your bubbly self with everyone else and don't mind me, I just don't manage social interaction well. Thank you".

    Well that is what I would do in your situaion - no legal advice offered of course (as per site rules here).

Reply
  • Prof said:
    I worry this will begin to trigger my mental health problems again.

    I understand this. I think there are 2 main approaches you can take here:

    1 - carry on hiding in the shadows and not making a fuss until it all gets too much and you end up having a meltdown and having to leave because you can't function.

    2 - prepare a letter that you put together at home in the peace - write it to both your boss and the HR team to explain your situation and how the changing environment has become damaging to your mental health,

    If the company has proof of your diagnosis then you have some protections under law and they need to provice "reasonable adjustments" to allow you to do your job without detriment to yourself, so you should frame your response using the words in quotes and more importantly, decide what a reasonable change would be.

    Clearly if there are no private spaces that you can reasonable make your own then you need to create a virtual space using headphones and possibly with some higher cubicle walls or similar. Take time to research what could be done and maybe come up with several plans.

    When ready present the letter to your boss and copy to HR - and ask to have a meeting to discuss this and have a supporting colleague in the meeting with you in case it becomes a bit overwhelming and you end up agreeing to something you don't want. Make sure the colleague knows what their role is here (to be your advocate if you struggle) and if necessary join a union and bring a union rep.

    The reason for this is that the companies growth tends to bring with it less of a personal touch that has helped you so far so you need to be proactive and look after your own interests. It is only for a short period and typically will be in written communications with the occassional meeting where you have friendly support so it is worth getting it done.

    We tend to avoid confrontation and asking for our needs to be met, but in your situation I think it important to do this now while you still have a friendly management to support creating a different work environment for you to thrive in.

    Lastly, and least importantly, I would suggest buying a present for the new girl a little box of chocolates or similar and include a card that says "I really appreciate you trying to make conversation with me. I'm autistic and I'm afraid this is really difficult for me to handle so sorry if I appear cold or unreceptive. Please carry on being your bubbly self with everyone else and don't mind me, I just don't manage social interaction well. Thank you".

    Well that is what I would do in your situaion - no legal advice offered of course (as per site rules here).

Children