As well as ASC and fibromyalgia the big health influence in my life is c-ptsd, occasionally the three coalesce into a total hellscape and two nights ago was one such. Long-short it was a night with no more than one hour of sleep all of which was riddled with full on trauma nightmares. On giving up attempting to sleep I entered a meltdown which featured me expressing frightening hysterical crying generated not only by the trauma and pain but grief which only recently has begun to be processed. The point of this post though is not to whine but to celebrate my partner Hazel, she was as always outstanding in her support. I wrote this for her the following day as I was recovering, thank you my love from the depths of me
xxx
Positive things when Im distressed like last night, obvious perhaps but worth cementing anyway as you were superb:
Just listening non judgmentally
Letting me be distressed and cry without trying to stop it, the tears you see around my grief and loss are I know hard to witness but it releases the pain and is helping me process it all. Your patience is awesome.
Holding me tight when I want it and not when I don’t, there were phases of both, was done just perfectly.
Affirming your love for me, when I experience the nightmares and flashbacks and hysterical crying, I actually feel guilty because of it and afraid Im hurting you but your unconditional patience and care is awesome.
Understanding my delayed processing and slow recovery as you do is wonderful too and helps soooo much.
I adore you beyond anything I can say
Emma
xxx