I don’t mean to trigger anyone about anxiety, I simply am having a moment of extremity and wish it to be over, I also wish to vent and special-interest my way through it.
A lot of my memories and learning has been completed by experiencing a thing, so too are these lessons and insights reinstituted though similar associations, and are not generally revisited owing to my borders being so inhospitable. I had a hard-time recalling why I created such behaviours, as their very existence prevents me from experiencing their catalysts, and preventing from reassessing whether or not they were made with a reasonable-head.
Today I experienced one-such event in the form of, being arbitrarily disagreed with, the contesting of which caused me anxiety. I found that the predominant symptoms were physical-sensations. I had a high bpm about-160, nausea, tiredness, dizziness, numbness. I recalled that the nature of my most-unguarded and brutal oppressions, were not half as bad as this event, and consequentially a stronger human must have survived them.
Sometimes I forget the worst of my hurt, I forget that I have prevented myself from the worst of my anxiety for a long time, and it is very-likely that the borders that my past self had erected, were erected by a stronger and more resistant version of myself. I swear that anxiety will be the death of me and perhaps it is what I deserve..
