A lie down in a dark room

I do have "tools" which can engender a nice void for a few hours but I need to dedicate a whole day for it which is something I don't have at the moment. I've double dropped a lions mane instead.

You are right and I know it's a matter of attention. It's finding the one thing - at the moment I feel very scattered. Sometimes hyper focus can feed into the exhaustion. I feel sleep deprived every day so being actually sleep deprived definitely does not help in my instance! But whatever works for you. Sometimes the difference between work and holidays can be a bit of "out of the frying pan....." as work focus gives way to existential thoughts. However I find there's more of a balance these days. 

On holiday, a different environment does help but at the same times makes me think about different things but with equal intendity. So it isnt merely "relaxing in the pool and soaking the sun" but going over all the positives and negatives of mass tourism at the same time. What a genius idea to turn yourself into Louis Theroux!! Sometimes my own head gets in the way of enjoyment. Maybe I should Louis Theroux my own head.

Unknown said:

analyse and assess EVERYTHING around me....especially people

Story of my life.  And I realised on holiday, a lot of my "conversation" is actually a running commentary of this - my environment and its people.

Fermilab yes! It's actually quite exciting and shows us how much we STILL don't know about the world. However this is words and information which my brain is full of. I can't take any more science at the moment! Maybe just need some Classic FM.

There's never the sound of silence because of my own head. Meditation helps and I do notice a difference when I'm out in nature, there's more presence. I suppose the internal volume is particularly loud at the moment.

Personally, I gave up on trying to find "void" for my brain.....it doesn't seem possible for me.....unless I drown my brain in dangerously unhealthy volumes of alcohol = something I no longer do.  [ Aside: it was only when I realised that I was only drinking to attain this "quiet" that it became VERY easy to quit booze - immediately and absolutely]

I find that my best respite comes in the form of a single "thing" to occupy my brain, rather than having 12,847 banging around in my brain at the same time.  With focus, comes rest (for me.)

Accordingly, I always seem to be working.. ...because it enables me to mentally rest!  Counter-intuitive I know, but evidently true.

Being sleep deprived seems to aid my focus (aka restful brain status)  but I do not advocate that approach.....it is unhealthy and counter-productive in the medium to long term.

Ironically, my autism seems to be my saviour in all this chaos!  When I am able to "click" into a "thing"....the "click" can be deafening, intense and all consuming.  Other thoughts have no hope of getting a look in!  Yes, I am "stuck" with the "thing" (which makes me very "other" or hyper intense and generally seems to scare or confuse people)....but I am happy to have peace in these times.

"Normal" holidays and downtime are the hardest and most challenging times for me.  I have to prepare for such periods quite carefully.  They are worst when I am expected to be "normal" with other people and engage with "normal" restful activities.  My brain runs riot!  A kind soul from these pages (quite recently) suggested that I go "Louis Theroux" at these times.......and that is helping a lot!  I analyse and assess EVERYTHING around me....especially people.  I suppose I'm converting the real world into a zoo and museum for my own delight?!

And seeing as how you have sent me down this track....I should also mention that one of the comorbidities that overwhelms me very regularly in relation to all of this stuff....is a pervasive (or some might say pathological) refusal to attend to a (or some) matters which I KNOW, DEMAND my attention.  Such matters can often be things I really want to do....or matters that I hate to do = there is no correlation between my desire (or otherwise) to attend to the matters.. ...I simply seem unable/blocked from doing so.

So, dear oos, just count your blessings!  Yes, you have it hard...but at least you don't self-sabotage due to what seems like an immovable force that no one can see and that no one else seems to believe exist.

And finally - some advice [blimey, I'm such a frigging non-conformist rebel].....based on my own "best practice." Find ANYTHING that can hijack your noisy brain....a thing that has potential to overwhelm all the other "stuff" banging around in that cranium of yours.  My most recent successful rabbit hole was the muon paradox....and what the teasing news now coming out from Fermilab....might mean for us all.

I wish you a happy "holing" Monday.

Number.

Although I don't work, I can relate to what you say. It doesn't happen often in my case, but occasionally I will feel that same need to lie down in a darkened room, close my eyes, and hear nothing but the sound of silence for a while.

When I have too many thoughts swirling around in my mind, which all seem to be competing for my attention, I often wish I had a remote control. One that enabled me to switch them all off, or enabled me to focus on just one thought (of my choosing) at a time.

I totally get this is a mirror of how I feel each day. Love to go into a dark room and totally get away from everything and everyone.

• I find each day so exhausting and regular sensory breaks which involve just silence. Keep on fighting I guess