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Frustrating telephone conversation

Sporadic Sparkly

I'm not seeking advice or sympathy, I just need to vent and let off some steam...

During the past week, my mother has been phoning me daily. I answered a call from her on Monday, which resulted (as usual) in my brain feeling well and truly fried by the end of her usual lengthy monologue about this, that, and God knows what else. As I needed PLENTY of time to recover, I had been letting my answer machine deal with her calls, right up until today when I decided that I should probably answer.

My mother was venting and wanted my opinion on the lengthy list of things she had been venting about. If truth be told, I think she was just wanting an echo chamber. Anyway, if she had spoken about each thing one at a time, it might not have been so bad, but she had left it until the end of a 30-minute (approximately) monologue to ask me for my thoughts on everything she had said.

I have tried to explain tactfully to my suspected autistic mother in the past how my autism affects me, but she just cannot seem to grasp it. Her twin sister (suspected autistic) also has difficulties trying to converse with my mother, and I know they are prone to their fair share of squabbles and misunderstandings too. My mother says she wants a two-way conversation, but by the time she finishes her monologue, we've switched off and forgotten most of what she's said.

My mother likes to hear a human voice and prefers verbal conversations, but when it comes to communicating with my mother, I find text-based conversations considerably easier. Anyway, after politely trying to explain to my mother why I was unable to provide her with a two-way conversation, she took it rather personally. Frustrated by the thought that my mother will never understand why I find verbal conversations with her so utterly mentally draining, when she said she might as well end the call because it was a waste of time talking to me, I abruptly ended the call without even bothering to say, "Goodbye".

Because of the mood my mother was in, I know that she's now likely to be feeling like everyone is out to attack her, and will be even more wound up than she was before she phoned me. In hindsight, I should not have answered that call, especially as I knew before I answered that I wasn't really in the right headspace due to other things weighing on my mind. It is said that we live and learn from our experiences, but in my case, I'm starting to question that.

All I can say is that I am thankful I inherited my dad's sense of humour. Once I've had time to calm down, I know that I'll probably be laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. To be honest, I feel sure that my dad is in his other-worldly place laughing his head off, thinking that my mother and I are just as bad as each other. Laughing

Parents

  • Older people don't like being challenged, and expect you to agree with everything they say. Their truth isn't ours. 

    My gran demanded to be right on EVERYTHING. Whenever, in reality, she was governed by her own paranoia. It was unbearable whenever my brother underwent a difficult teenhood. But we're over it, now. 

  • in reply to Desmond79

    To a degree, I agree with what you say. However, there are a lot of senior citizens that really aren't like that and are willing to accept that not everyone will agree with what they think, say, or do.

    My mother is 68. In some respects, she can be quite open-minded and willing to accept different points of view. However, there are also occasions, especially when she's feeling run down when she does seem to want and expect people to agree with her 100%. 

    Some of my mother's behaviour results from the fact that she's a widow. After more than 40 years of being (mostly) happily married, she now desperately misses my dad and is finding it hard to adjust. They had their fair share of ups and downs, but they were a great team. In addition to obviously spending a lot of time with my mother, my dad had the patience to indulge her in conversation, even though there were occasions when he might not always have been particularly interested in the topics she wanted to talk about... In the same way that she wasn't always interested in what he wanted to talk about.

    Part of my mother's problem is that she no longer has that person in her life that she can talk with about anything and everything. It's hard for her to accept that not everyone has the time, patience, and inclination to listen to everything she wants to say. This then causes her to feel even more isolated. It's not her fault, but it's not anyone else's fault either.

    Anyway Desmond, I'm glad that you and your brother have succeeded in putting what seems like a difficult past behind you.

Reply
  • in reply to Desmond79

    To a degree, I agree with what you say. However, there are a lot of senior citizens that really aren't like that and are willing to accept that not everyone will agree with what they think, say, or do.

    My mother is 68. In some respects, she can be quite open-minded and willing to accept different points of view. However, there are also occasions, especially when she's feeling run down when she does seem to want and expect people to agree with her 100%. 

    Some of my mother's behaviour results from the fact that she's a widow. After more than 40 years of being (mostly) happily married, she now desperately misses my dad and is finding it hard to adjust. They had their fair share of ups and downs, but they were a great team. In addition to obviously spending a lot of time with my mother, my dad had the patience to indulge her in conversation, even though there were occasions when he might not always have been particularly interested in the topics she wanted to talk about... In the same way that she wasn't always interested in what he wanted to talk about.

    Part of my mother's problem is that she no longer has that person in her life that she can talk with about anything and everything. It's hard for her to accept that not everyone has the time, patience, and inclination to listen to everything she wants to say. This then causes her to feel even more isolated. It's not her fault, but it's not anyone else's fault either.

    Anyway Desmond, I'm glad that you and your brother have succeeded in putting what seems like a difficult past behind you.

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