Am I over reacting? How can I help myself in situations like this

There are times where I struggle, such as how to deal with certain events. In certain events I end up acting before I think about it clearly. I end up having meltdowns occasionally, especially after I stayed with my partner for a few nights.

Mind I am always happy at his have no worries and can be myself. But when I'm at home I'm sometimes happy, but there's times I'm not. 

For example, yesterday I came back home, went inside. My dad just stood there not helping me open the door when I have lots of bags in my hands and was struggling.

I said hello to him and the dog. He apparently said hello back which my mom heard but I did not. All I seen him do was stand there, saying nothing. Where as he normally asks if I'm okay or asks if he can help with my bags. But not this time. As I thought he didn't say anything, I said nothing else and started getting into a mood.

My mom was in the front room and when I walked past she said hello. Normally I would of thought she would get up and see if I was okay, especially after a personal issue happened on Friday. I continued doing what I normally do (unpacked) and then put my dirty clothes in the washer, when my mom said again hello, which I said hello back. Then she mentioned about the washing, saying she thought I would of don it at my partner's place. Well ummm no, my parents know my routine and that I bring my washing home. It's not like I'm permanently living at his. Plus I pay house keep to them which was in part of the agreement that they will do my washing. 

Even though the agreement was verbal, I have a good memory of what and what wasn't included. This kinda upset me a little but I understand where my mom was coming from.

But it upset me even more so that she did not ask about how I was first before any other remarks. 

Later on my dad picked up a small jar which I put on the side for the time being. He asked if I'm keeping it before he bins it. Then they asked why, and I said it's a rewards jar. 

Then they looked at each other with confusion, Nd to me it looked like they were about to laugh at me. Which made me have a meltdown/ flip out bursting into tears, shouted and screamed at them out of frustration and when to the other room. Think it was after tea too Thinking I wanted to go in the other room to calm down but was demanded to go back and sit at the table to talk it out. 

Which I did not like and to me caused me to feel worse. 

Later on I explained what it's for, and that it was to help me cut back on getting new soft animals. (Not small hand sized ones but bigger cuddly ones) just to help me cut back on getting them and tThinkingmake it feel like a reward/a goal to achieve other than I see it, I want it, I can afford it and got space for it scenario. Mind I'm still keep that in mind. But want it to feel more rewarding, having a goal to aim towards that in. Thinking

Going back, it just feels like I get judged every time I'm home, I don't have any support with my disability or mental health. 

I did think I could of delt with the situation better but at the same time I felt ever so overwhelmed at home in all these events and made me have a meltdown Disappointed

This keeps on happening and I talk to my parents as best as I can but I do feel like it's not going through to them.

Especially when my mom talks to me and when I'm upset her voice sounds extremely load and hurts my ears. Making me want to get away from the conversation as it's draining me and I could not focus at all. I keep on saying about it and she understands but at the same time she tells me it cause she can't hear herself at times and she doesn't know she's doing it t times. Dispute me saying, she continues and says it's cause I'm young and my hearing is better.

Which I about also.remimd her I'm autistic and some sounds hurt my ears. In which she replies it's mild, very mild autism which to me is an insult. Cause to me autism is still autism, no matter what part of the spectrum you are.

Anyway apologies for all that, but was wondering if I over reacted and if there's ways to help me have less melt downs (my meltdowns tend to be caused by what my parents say or have done or when I get too overwhelmed)

Parents
  • Being autistic means we cannot dull our senses the same. Mild simply means no added Big Trauma or no added intellectual disability. We use language different and suffer feeling completely misunderstood most of our lives. The combination creates an intensity of emotion and a strong reaction, especially when people who are supposed to care about us are unreliable and act as if they couldn't give a toss. 

    I'm sorry. I have parent issues too and I'm nearly 50. 

Reply
  • Being autistic means we cannot dull our senses the same. Mild simply means no added Big Trauma or no added intellectual disability. We use language different and suffer feeling completely misunderstood most of our lives. The combination creates an intensity of emotion and a strong reaction, especially when people who are supposed to care about us are unreliable and act as if they couldn't give a toss. 

    I'm sorry. I have parent issues too and I'm nearly 50. 

Children
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