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Really struggling with identity (vent)

Samuel

I feel like i am really hollow right now. 

I stopped using social media because i became overwhelmed by how mean i feel like people are. I felt like no matter where i went on the internet i was rejected by everyone.

But because of that i feel like i've lost all the social incentive that comes with having an interest in anything. There's a few games i play but i don't like to talk about them because i feel like other players and people in the online community do not like me. I've never really liked speaking about my interests because i feel unsafe after doing it.

I don't have any friends at all and i am struggling to even speak to people i come across including my family. When people ask questions about myself i feel like i can't even answer them. I feel like i have no opinion on anything because i feel like it's safer that way. Talking in general feels like more energy than it's worth. 

I also need to get a job eventually, i am working with a support provider and they want me to look into a sector of work that i would be interested in working in but i really am struggling even with this. I feel like i don't know skills i should be improving because i don't know what's relevant to me. 

I thought this may a symptom of depression so i made a post a little while ago about antidepressants and i decided to go on them. I felt like they were helping for the first few days but i am already feeling like i was before. It's only been about a week and a half so i need to wait about 5 more weeks until they are fully in effect but i already feel like depression is not my issue it's more like

A severe case of "not fitting in" and social anxiety.


I would appreciate any support but i understand this must be difficult to reply to. This is more of a vent post than anything. I am honestly not really sure what's even going on in my life and i am trying to make sense of it.

Parents
  • Samuel said:
    I stopped using social media because i became overwhelmed by how mean i feel like people are. I felt like no matter where i went on the internet i was rejected by everyone.

    Getting off social media is important as it has become mostly a place for arguements and hate with much of the original socialness of it being drowned out.

    About the being rejected bit, I have some thoughts on this but they may be difficult to hear, so please bare in mind that they are well intentioned and not an attack.

    So, engaging logic mode - you are trying your approach to socialising and it is failing. This has been repeated with different groups of people with the same result so the likelihood is that your behaviour is the cause. Does that make sense?

    This is quite a common issue for autists and one lots of us, myself included, need or needed help with..

    We often don't understand what the appropriate behaviour in a social setting is and we end up sounding odd, inappropriate or worse.

    So in order to "fit in" we need to understand the rules and mask to a degree we are comfortable with in order to be accepted. Does that make sense?

    In an ideal world we could be out authentic selves and be accepted by everyone else, but the hard reality is that we are not in an ideal world and in fact we are in a small minority of people who don't naturally fit in.

    The choices are to mask or find a group who will accept us for ourselves. Unfortunately life doesn't let us always choose who we interact with so the masking skills are important, as are knowing the rules - just so we can get by in a world that is not designed for us.

    My approach would be to learn all you can about this and learn from reviewing your mistakes.

    My recommendation for reading up on this is:
    The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)
    ISBN: 9781941765388

    Other books on the subject:

    Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)
    ISBN pdf eBook 9781846428449

    Social Skills Groups for Children And Adolescents With Asperger's Syndrome - A Step-by-step Program - Kim Kiker Painter (2008)
    ISBN pdf eBook 1846425190

    An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)
    eISBN 9781784501259

    It won't be easy but the results can be a relatively normal social life that comes at the cost of mental energy from the masking - not a bad trade off if you can handle the energy drain that it causes.

Reply
  • Samuel said:
    I stopped using social media because i became overwhelmed by how mean i feel like people are. I felt like no matter where i went on the internet i was rejected by everyone.

    Getting off social media is important as it has become mostly a place for arguements and hate with much of the original socialness of it being drowned out.

    About the being rejected bit, I have some thoughts on this but they may be difficult to hear, so please bare in mind that they are well intentioned and not an attack.

    So, engaging logic mode - you are trying your approach to socialising and it is failing. This has been repeated with different groups of people with the same result so the likelihood is that your behaviour is the cause. Does that make sense?

    This is quite a common issue for autists and one lots of us, myself included, need or needed help with..

    We often don't understand what the appropriate behaviour in a social setting is and we end up sounding odd, inappropriate or worse.

    So in order to "fit in" we need to understand the rules and mask to a degree we are comfortable with in order to be accepted. Does that make sense?

    In an ideal world we could be out authentic selves and be accepted by everyone else, but the hard reality is that we are not in an ideal world and in fact we are in a small minority of people who don't naturally fit in.

    The choices are to mask or find a group who will accept us for ourselves. Unfortunately life doesn't let us always choose who we interact with so the masking skills are important, as are knowing the rules - just so we can get by in a world that is not designed for us.

    My approach would be to learn all you can about this and learn from reviewing your mistakes.

    My recommendation for reading up on this is:
    The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships - Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Temple Grandin, Sean Barron (2005)
    ISBN: 9781941765388

    Other books on the subject:

    Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)
    ISBN pdf eBook 9781846428449

    Social Skills Groups for Children And Adolescents With Asperger's Syndrome - A Step-by-step Program - Kim Kiker Painter (2008)
    ISBN pdf eBook 1846425190

    An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)
    eISBN 9781784501259

    It won't be easy but the results can be a relatively normal social life that comes at the cost of mental energy from the masking - not a bad trade off if you can handle the energy drain that it causes.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you for the recommendations lain, and not to worry as i don't feel offended, i think you are right.

    Ever since i started high school i tried to be "true to myself" but i'm starting to see that this might be a problem and maybe i took it too literally and or it's not really good advice for an autistic person. 

    It looks like i should learn how to "mask". I will read the first book you recommended, it looks like it could be helpful and i think i could do it. 

    Thanks again Smile