Do you ever feel like all change is bad?

Peter said:

At what stage in our lives do good spontaneous things stop happening?

They stop happening - in my experience - when you start to act old.

For me it took a change of mindset from seeing change as bad to realising that change is essential. Without it there can never be bad things made good, new life created, ideas born, hopes raised, greatness achieved etc.

Change is just a thing - it brings good, bad and indifferent results but it you can see it as a necessary process to create good things as well as bad then you begin to see so much more good stuff in life.

Stop watching the news or social media - they thrive on bad news and scaremongering because people lap it up.

The world is a messy place but in every decade I think you will find there are really bad times and plenty of good times too.

Think of your examples:

- the cinema will probably bring an improved sound system, bigger screen and cleaner seats. The old cinema will provide competition for a while but its ultimate passing is just like the cycle of life and death. Neither good not bad, it just is.

- your brother getting the job was a great thing, It helped him find more independence, it helped you become more independant too and the bond between you grew through the challenge.

- as for making friends - that is largely a mindset thing. If you are willing to put yourself out there and engage with people, overcome your autistic shyness about it and break the interia then you will find the sense of fulfilment feeds back into your attitude and you will become more of a person that people will want to be friends with.

Changing the interia is going to be hard but when you have tried the alternative and find it sucks, then why not build some positivity and start making the effort.

Horrible unicorns and rainbows advice it may be, but it works

Iain said:

They stop happening - in my experience - when you start to act old.

I don't think I ever acted 'old' outside of work and dealing with service professionals (eg ordering food at restaurants). The problem is all the other places have been taken away from me one by one.

Iain said:

- as for making friends - that is largely a mindset thing. If you are willing to put yourself out there and engage with people, overcome your autistic shyness about it and break the interia then you will find the sense of fulfilment feeds back into your attitude and you will become more of a person that people will want to be friends with.

Out where? Put my self out there? Out where? When I'm happy, when I'm myself, I'm the rando saying weird stuff, being loud and telling outrageous jokes. The places where people like that used to congregate are no longer available to me.

Peter said:

Out where? When I'm happy, when I'm myself, I'm the rando saying weird stuff, being loud and telling outrageous jokes. The places where people like that used to congregate are no longer available to me.

Where did you go before to find people on your wavelength?

Work out where they went - where the entertainment you enjoyed is now - but be prepared that this all may have moved on to become different altogether.

The random and outrageous are things many people outgrow so it could just be your social group has gotten old themselves.This is a bigger issue as people move into their 30s and start settling down more, but also happens in other age groups.

What were the social / entertainment environments that used to work for you?

In my region there are two reasonably large cities, two small cities/ large towns and a number of medium / small size towns. There are two proper universities and a number of ex-polytechnics. And all of these places are comfortably within an hours drive.

I would be hesitant to travel more than an hour into the nearby regions for social events on a weekly basis which is really what I’m looking for.

So I’m very much aware of what’s going on in my region, at least what’s been advertised anyway. One of the last student societies I was a member of did online events and I have to say it isn’t quite the same.

A lot of the activities I would want to do don’t lend themselves to online. Watching videos and movies together it’s about the easiest to do and even that doesn’t have quite the same feeling when you can’t reach over and make a remark to someone offhand without it being intrusive for everyone else. Not to mention that the technology for watching films in sync is a bit dodgy.

If there is no appetite locally for these interests then it would seem your best options would be to go furthe afield (to the nearest big town / city) or go online - there are always plenty online.

The interests you have may be les popular now than when you got into them, and some are primarily online anyway (gaming and to a degree the cinema tuff thanks to Netflix). This is normal for some genres to wax and wane in popularity over time.

I think that covid was the driver for driving people away from in-person meetups and into online or solo activities. Add the current economic situation in the country and people have less money to spend going out anyway. Knowing that does not make it any less frustrating.

I guess it is going to be about how important the face to face contact is versus the travelling for the most part.

Covid never has been the issue it’s that I just don’t have access to these places anymore.

there really aren’t any non-student clubs for other nerdy interests I have. I’ve not been sat at home twiddling my thumbs not looking for opportunities. The opportunities simply aren’t there.

there is no video gaming club, no anime club, no science club, no East Asian cinema club, no goth Club (not that that’s particularly nerdy). In the local area outside of universities. The local comic book café has shut down so I can’t even hang out in the vicinity of nerdy people. not that I ever really made any friends there when it was running.

I have tried starting clubs, and it has failed abysmally.

i’ve tried to get the charity that runs events for autistic people in my area interested in doing nerdy events. The only ‘nerdy’ thing they really do is karaoke once a month. other than that really nothing I’ve suggested seems to have stuck.

Covid never has been the issue it’s that I just don’t have access to these places anymore.

there really aren’t any non-student clubs for other nerdy interests I have. I’ve not been sat at home twiddling my thumbs not looking for opportunities. The opportunities simply aren’t there.

there is no video gaming club, no anime club, no science club, no East Asian cinema club, no goth Club (not that that’s particularly nerdy). In the local area outside of universities. The local comic book café has shut down so I can’t even hang out in the vicinity of nerdy people. not that I ever really made any friends there when it was running.

I have tried starting clubs, and it has failed abysmally.

i’ve tried to get the charity that runs events for autistic people in my area interested in doing nerdy events. The only ‘nerdy’ thing they really do is karaoke once a month. other than that really nothing I’ve suggested seems to have stuck.

In my region there are two reasonably large cities, two small cities/ large towns and a number of medium / small size towns. There are two proper universities and a number of ex-polytechnics. And all of these places are comfortably within an hours drive.

I would be hesitant to travel more than an hour into the nearby regions for social events on a weekly basis which is really what I’m looking for.

So I’m very much aware of what’s going on in my region, at least what’s been advertised anyway. One of the last student societies I was a member of did online events and I have to say it isn’t quite the same.

A lot of the activities I would want to do don’t lend themselves to online. Watching videos and movies together it’s about the easiest to do and even that doesn’t have quite the same feeling when you can’t reach over and make a remark to someone offhand without it being intrusive for everyone else. Not to mention that the technology for watching films in sync is a bit dodgy.

If there is no appetite locally for these interests then it would seem your best options would be to go furthe afield (to the nearest big town / city) or go online - there are always plenty online.

The interests you have may be les popular now than when you got into them, and some are primarily online anyway (gaming and to a degree the cinema tuff thanks to Netflix). This is normal for some genres to wax and wane in popularity over time.

I think that covid was the driver for driving people away from in-person meetups and into online or solo activities. Add the current economic situation in the country and people have less money to spend going out anyway. Knowing that does not make it any less frustrating.

I guess it is going to be about how important the face to face contact is versus the travelling for the most part.