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Am I just not good enough?

Lauren (she/her)

So I've lost many friends over the past few years and fell out with a lot of people due to not being able to read facially expressions very well or notice when a mood has changed. I was diagnosed back in 2016 but it seems to be affecting every aspect of my life very recently. I have university work to be doing and hobbies to keep my mind off of this, but I'm finding it really hard and feel I have no friends anymore. I've been told I'm annoying, and have been bullied in the past so I take things to heart when I probably shouldn't. Can anyone help with this advice wise or has been in similar situations to myself? 

Parents

  • It is lonely to be autistic, or rather it is more common to be lonely, as only a 2% can be. When I was at Uni I had a terrible time because I was viewed as an odd and unrewarding individual, who was only tolerated when all other avenues were exhausted, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to buy my way into other people good-graces. In a similar way to you, I felt like I was simply a battery or resources to be expended, but never repaid or replenished.
    Ultimately I believe that if someone doesn’t tolerate you on your lows, then they don’t deserve you at your best, as such it is better to seek out the resources of the uni and of dedicated-forums and some good will come of it. Autistic people don’t learn through the same means as others, we need something to mimic and we need to create a procedural through exposure, so perhaps it is just a wise thing to do to just follow your interests and befriend those that you find on that road.  
    The best time I ever had in education was when doing a level 0 course with the Princes Trust, in which nobody knew me and there was no expectation, there was no reward but the rewards of wanting to attend to next session, those who didn’t want to be there didn’t have to be there and no one knew anyone. If the process of education you are taking-up is not developing your character, not piquing your interest, and sapping your confidence; then that is a toxic experience.

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  • It is lonely to be autistic, or rather it is more common to be lonely, as only a 2% can be. When I was at Uni I had a terrible time because I was viewed as an odd and unrewarding individual, who was only tolerated when all other avenues were exhausted, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to buy my way into other people good-graces. In a similar way to you, I felt like I was simply a battery or resources to be expended, but never repaid or replenished.
    Ultimately I believe that if someone doesn’t tolerate you on your lows, then they don’t deserve you at your best, as such it is better to seek out the resources of the uni and of dedicated-forums and some good will come of it. Autistic people don’t learn through the same means as others, we need something to mimic and we need to create a procedural through exposure, so perhaps it is just a wise thing to do to just follow your interests and befriend those that you find on that road.  
    The best time I ever had in education was when doing a level 0 course with the Princes Trust, in which nobody knew me and there was no expectation, there was no reward but the rewards of wanting to attend to next session, those who didn’t want to be there didn’t have to be there and no one knew anyone. If the process of education you are taking-up is not developing your character, not piquing your interest, and sapping your confidence; then that is a toxic experience.

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