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Bad Date

John C

I haven’t been here in a bit as i honestly don’t know if I’m on the spectrum and felt I might be appropriating something that’s not mine. I get AQ scores in the mid to high thirties. And the more extensive one I scored on the spectrum. But I didn’t like that one as I found it way more frustrating than the AQ test. Anyway…..

I had a date a few days ago and I mentioned the AQ test and my results. It was just conversation. Well I had made it clear the night before that I wasn’t down for sex on the first date. Those days are over for me as usually I had to have at least a couple under my belt. I’m 63 now and just don’t want to go about things like that anymore.Haven’t for awhile.  Well sure enough she wanted to have sex on the first date. I rejected the idea and that was the end of that date. She really laid into me afterwards and placed me firmly on the spectrum (how would she know?) and said I said insulting things and on and on. I was being attacked. I really have a hard time getting to know people and just wanted some time to get to know her. My circuits were completely overloaded. I felt like such a child. 

I’m not whining about a bad date. But I am concerned that since retiring I don’t have to put on an act for people and maybe more of my trueness is coming out? Cause I’m starting to not give a damn how people view me. In someways I never have. But I did always want to fit in somewhere. And I did sometimes but usually something felt off about it. Like I was still different in some way. But my prophecy of firmly suspecting that I would die alone when I was 23 seems like a real possibility now at 63. It’s a catch 22. I want to be with someone but I also NEED NEED NEED my alone time. I don’t like being around people too long. Even people I like. So I’ve decided to get evaluated just for self knowledge and maybe some self forgiveness but I highly doubt it will change a thing for me. Except for maybe NEVER mentioning autism on a first date agWinkn. Wink  Sorry for the long post. 

Parents

  • Sounds like you didege a bullet there buddy. If that is how she handles rejection, she is the one with the problem.

  • in reply to Touay

    Probably. But I’m still brought down by it. She also said I apologize a lot. She’s not the first. I think I do that preemptively because I think I have a propensity to say or do things that offend without meaning to. And I’m becoming aware that I probably do it without them reacting negatively so I might not even have a clue half the time. I know that’s an autism thing but I never really thought much about it until I read it was. Otherwise I think I just adopted the apologizing thing subconsciously as a defense mechanism. I should probably be more cognizant. 

    The other possibility is that I just have a personality problem. But I know there are people who love me very much. 

  • in reply to John C

    I expect i have picked up the apology thing too. When you spend you life making social mistakes, i guess it is to be expected.

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