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The plate dispenser theory of issues, trauma and heartache.

Peter

Have you ever gone to a cafe or restaurant and seen one of these things. On the top it seems like there are 3 or 2 plates. But actually there is a spring under the plates and a long shaft they can descend into. There could be 3 plates, or 13, or 20 or more. It seems to me this is the perfect metaphor for the traumas and personal issues that stick to you. To those observing you from a distance it seems you are dealing with 2 or 3 big crisis or emotional issues. It even feels that way to you because the latest fire you've been fighting has forced you to shelve the issues you were wrestling. But if you are fortunate enough to take a plate off the stack you'll find the ones beneath it still there even things from years ago. Over the years it gets deeper and deeper. And everyone around you just assumes all you need to do is deal with the 3 plates. They don't see the heartache from 10 or 20 years ago that's going to emerge if enough of the stack gets taken off you that you can decompress. And you get to the point where it feels like it will never end. You'll never has resolution. And things will never get better because people can't see what you're really battling and even if they could they wouldn't know how to help. It's all below the surface to them.

Does any of this make sense? Can you relate to it?

Parents

  • Makes loads of sense to me.

    For me though, the problem is that people are normally not interested in all the stuff underneath the issue of the moment - they have enough on the go in their own lives that the various painful situations of others are just not that interesting to them.

    If you have someone who is willing to listen to it all then you are fortunate indeed.

    My experience is that a therapist (ie someone paid to listen and question me) is the only effective way to unpack the years of assorted mess ups, traumas, abuse and general lack-of-clueness in my life.

    Maybe I'm just getting cynical in my old age, but I never count on others to help in the really important stuff like this.

    I hope the world is actually a better place than I give it credit for Slight smile

  • in reply to Iain

    The issue is a therapist is usually just there to listen. Or to listen and come up with convoluted ways to say 'let it go,' like some glib Disney princess. What you often want is help. Like if someone is forced to give up their studies because of health issues and years later still is wondering about the career they were originally on track for. Maybe it's 10 20 years later and they never really gave up looking for a way to go back but life buried it under so many other crisis's. First the health crisis then the money crisis that often follows etc. <- this is a hypothetical example.

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  • in reply to Iain

    The issue is a therapist is usually just there to listen. Or to listen and come up with convoluted ways to say 'let it go,' like some glib Disney princess. What you often want is help. Like if someone is forced to give up their studies because of health issues and years later still is wondering about the career they were originally on track for. Maybe it's 10 20 years later and they never really gave up looking for a way to go back but life buried it under so many other crisis's. First the health crisis then the money crisis that often follows etc. <- this is a hypothetical example.

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