The plate dispenser theory of issues, trauma and heartache.

Yes, I often get the feeling people only see the "main" thing that I'm currently dealing with in any given moment and they don't see all the other things pushing it up to the surface. Generally speaking too.

But with trauma yh also that because it takes a lot to "unpack" is the other metaphor I heard of I find true as well because you can't just neatly take stuff from the bottom of the box without turning everything else on top of it up on it's head in a messy way. You have to work down the layers in trauma recovery.
Actually I'm here because 2 years before I joined this forum I was in a much worse headspace. There was one particular huge hatecrime that pushed everything to a head with my abuser of over 30 years and I didn't realise what had been piled on until after I cut contact with my main source of trauma. I had to radically work through internalised gaslighting and learned helplessness that made me agoraphobic in order to reclaim my life. Sometimes stuff still hurts if I get reminded of it but the load is a lot lighter now there is less in the box I'm carrying around in my head. I joined NAS after I had unpacked the ableism my abuser instilled in me and realised that being a "difficult child" because I am autistic wasn't an excuse for said parents behaviour.
And this is not a nice thing having to admit to it but I knew this forum existed 10 years ago, I just didn't want to join because I was so desperate to be "normal" to seek my abusers approval (that's how much of a head f*** they did on me) that I didn't want to hang out with other people who had "something wrong with them". So it was only after dealing with the ableist side of the abuse that I could accept myself and others with autism. And it pains me now to know that I had been tainted with that poison to the point of self hatred and shame. But it wasn't the first or even the 8th plate I took off of the trauma plate dispenser, unpacking and getting past that came quite near the bottom, that was about November 2022, and I don't know if I'm even at the last plate yet but I can tell by the way the spring has gotten more slack I'm near it if not on it at this point.
And yeah it does feel like it gets worse before it gets better, but it does get better, the hard part is learning how to rest rather than quit when pulling yourself up out of that hole.

Yes, I often get the feeling people only see the "main" thing that I'm currently dealing with in any given moment and they don't see all the other things pushing it up to the surface. Generally speaking too.

But with trauma yh also that because it takes a lot to "unpack" is the other metaphor I heard of I find true as well because you can't just neatly take stuff from the bottom of the box without turning everything else on top of it up on it's head in a messy way. You have to work down the layers in trauma recovery.
Actually I'm here because 2 years before I joined this forum I was in a much worse headspace. There was one particular huge hatecrime that pushed everything to a head with my abuser of over 30 years and I didn't realise what had been piled on until after I cut contact with my main source of trauma. I had to radically work through internalised gaslighting and learned helplessness that made me agoraphobic in order to reclaim my life. Sometimes stuff still hurts if I get reminded of it but the load is a lot lighter now there is less in the box I'm carrying around in my head. I joined NAS after I had unpacked the ableism my abuser instilled in me and realised that being a "difficult child" because I am autistic wasn't an excuse for said parents behaviour.
And this is not a nice thing having to admit to it but I knew this forum existed 10 years ago, I just didn't want to join because I was so desperate to be "normal" to seek my abusers approval (that's how much of a head f*** they did on me) that I didn't want to hang out with other people who had "something wrong with them". So it was only after dealing with the ableist side of the abuse that I could accept myself and others with autism. And it pains me now to know that I had been tainted with that poison to the point of self hatred and shame. But it wasn't the first or even the 8th plate I took off of the trauma plate dispenser, unpacking and getting past that came quite near the bottom, that was about November 2022, and I don't know if I'm even at the last plate yet but I can tell by the way the spring has gotten more slack I'm near it if not on it at this point.
And yeah it does feel like it gets worse before it gets better, but it does get better, the hard part is learning how to rest rather than quit when pulling yourself up out of that hole.