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Exhausted. Heading towards the dark place again.

A

I pushed myself a little too far recently and have ended up completely exhausted. I have diagnoses of bipolar and cPTSD. Flashbacks and other ptsd stuff already getting worse and I can feel  my mood dropping and risk to self increasing. I'm awaiting formal ASD diagnosis but psychologist is very confident I meet criteria. Struggling with the fact that my life will always be this way: hospital admissions, exhaustion, medication, low functioning, ect. 

Hello, by the way, I'm new here! 

  • Welcome to the community and to the start of your autistic discovery journey.

    That journey is an opportunity for you to discover more about autism and how it affects you. Discover why you have gone through those negative cycles in the past. Why previous therapies and treatments may have failed, as they were not designed for autistic people. Learn your own personal triggers and limits, in order to avoid pushing yourself too far in the future. Perhaps most importantly discovering that you're not alone on that journey.

    A said:
    Struggling with the fact that my life will always be this way: hospital admissions, exhaustion, medication, low functioning, ect.

    It doesn't always have to be that way. I know it sure can seem like that when you're spiralling down into that dark place. You've pushed yourself too far and you can't change that now. However maybe you can still apply the brakes and avoid sinking any further. Stick around here and hopefully it might provide a welcome distraction to reduce your flashbacks.

  • Hi A. It can be quiet in here on Saturday nights but you won’t be ignored or unsupported, hopefully you’ll find comfort here. The diagnosis is a comfort in one way, but you’re right about it only explaining (to our relief) and not ‘fixing’ - in fact it shows that the CBT approaches thst NTs have success with will barely scratch the surface in our case. But it’s not a reason to lose hope, rather it’s a reason to say ‘I don’t have to fall in step with the majority, I was never designed to’ and try to find the positives in being on the outside of the standard-issue life. There are some as long as we don’t let comparison drag us down too much. I’ve been in dark places with that myself. 

  • Pleased to meet you! I'm sorry you're struggling, I hope things feel better for you soon. I am also constantly exhausted, medicated and not very high functioning (although that's kind of a subjective measure anyway). I think things can improve for us, but it's a slow process.

  • in reply to A

    I had a few Psalm 23 moments, since 2020,when walked into the Shadow of Death; then feared no evil. 

  • in reply to Desmond79

    Nice to meet you :) 

    I'm not surprised that this is a common place we find ourselves in. My mental illnesses have ruined my life in many ways, but recently realising I'm autistic makes things make much more sense. However, I don't know whether I feel more or less hopeful now. It's a confusing time, I guess. 

  • Welcome Home, A!

    We've all been to that deep dark place.