Want to retreat but know that wouldn't be helpful

Hi, I think it's difficult to strike the right balance- I can relate to what you are writing. I am trying to be kinder to myself and let myself withdraw when I need to. But then I do also feel lonely. I enjoy social interactions sometimes but it can be exhausting and I need to make sure I get enough alone time too and that I have enough energy for socialising. However, that does make it more difficult to then make and maintain friendships. I think the key is also finding the right people to be your friends- I had no friends at all at school but at university I met some likeminded people (many of them actually are also neurodivergent though I didn't know that they were or that I was at the time). I think often the best way to make friends is through a shared interest- that's how my friendships at university arose. However since then I have also struggled to make new friends as I have struggled with burnout and just not had the energy to  put myself in a situation where I could possibly meet people- At university that happened much more naturally due to going to lectures together and as I went to scientific talks where I met people, plus the college system at my university made it easier. But since then it's been difficult... I find group situations very difficult and only really socialise 1 to 1 and do things like go for a walk together or a coffee... but to meet people it's somewhat hard to start off with just 1 to 1 usually... 

Maybe you just haven't met the right friends yet. There are some people that you just connect with and socialising with those people also feels easy and takes much less energy. I have one friend that is very close- funnily we didn't even spend that much time together in person and have mainly been in touch over phone (as we live in different countries now), but from very early on it just felt like we have known each other for years. I have recently struggled a lot and this friend has been there for me all throughout. More so than other people. Though most of the few friends I have seem to be true friends... 

You say that over time you always end up on your own- I think it happens that people grow apart over time. I don't think 'it's something about you'. 

I am not sure if any of this is helpful- but maybe think about what interests you have through which you could maybe meet people? It doesn't take much sometimes to make a connection (one of my friends and I ended up friends as we both always turned up 5-10 min late for lectures and slipped in late together or one of my other friends that I met when I was locked out of my student room at 1 am in the corridor and somehow we had a shared interest in image analysis...). With the right people, making friends feels relatively easy in my experience and it somehow just happens. The hard part is coming across those people. but I think a shared interest helps- I do very well with socialising on hiking trips in mountain huts in the evenings as that is my special interest and there is common territory from the start. It can be hard though to put yourself in situations where you could meet someone... I am also not sure how I would go about it... at the moment I am lacking energy anyways and soon I will be a student again which will probably help. 

Sorry, I don't think I've really given any advice, because I don't really know myself... I just thought I would share my experiences in case that helps. 

Hi Ann, thanks so much for your reply - it does help!  I guess I do need to try getting to social things again but like you said it is so exhausting!  It was definitely easier to meet people and connect over the smallest things when a student but i find people don't stay in touch.  I guess there are so many different elements and strands to it and I don't fully understand it!  I have little energy for it right now but haven't given up hope!  Good luck - what are you going to study next?

Hi Ann, thanks so much for your reply - it does help!  I guess I do need to try getting to social things again but like you said it is so exhausting!  It was definitely easier to meet people and connect over the smallest things when a student but i find people don't stay in touch.  I guess there are so many different elements and strands to it and I don't fully understand it!  I have little energy for it right now but haven't given up hope!  Good luck - what are you going to study next?