I do not have a diagnosis. I believe I am ASD/ADHD (maybe both). I want to know if there's anyone out there who feels the same and if you got a diagnosis. I'm 29 and have been reading and researching asd and adhd for years. I hate seeing my doctor and I hate filling out forms so I feel like the only time I'm going to actually pursue the diagnosis is if I impulsively make the appointment for a referral. And then I have to hope that I actaully fill out any forms they send me to get the refferal. Which would normally just get lost in a doom pile somewhere. Even though I frequently go through some kind of mental health crisis (depression, anxiety, mood swings and outbursts). I feel like the process of dislagnosis is not that user friendly if that makes sense. Maybe I'm just being silly. I feel rude for posting on here if I turn out to not be autistic or something. I am surrounded by people who dismiss mental health issues and I feel like I'm constantly being told that 'it's not that bad'. I have always felt like I didn't fit in. Always felt like I had to be a chameleon even to be noticed or acknowledged. I find social interactions exhausting, stressful and wholly uncomfortable. I pend the hole time wondering where to look, what to say, what to do with my face. I look around a lot when I'm talking to people, so much so that they always look around to see what I'm looking at which is so awkward as all I'm looking at is anything but them. I get very emotional and the only way to explain it is that my whole body feels upset when I am emotional. I feel it physically. I overthink everything. My mind never switches off. I struggle with frequent insomnia. I play back all conversations I have over and over especially if it went badly. I plan out all conversations I think I need to have or when I should have said. I get so hung up on it that sometimes iv acted out arguments with my parents that iv been stuck in all day in a teary snotty mess by myself at home. My family don't talk to me so I have a lot I still want to say and a lot of emotion behind it. A diagnosis will be difficult as most of the people who knew me as a child have cut me off. I am not religious and my family are so they don't talk to me. That's the short version. Until I go back to the faith they don't want to know me. And I'm an athiest sooooo that ain't gonna happen. I have so much I feel like I need to talk with someone about that I feel like I'm just dumping random bits in a attempt to not write an essay on here. Does anyone understand what I'm saying? I feel like I'm about to lose the only friend iv had in a long time and it's because I can't keep masking with her. I can't keep pretending that her being late to everything and not seeming to care that this actually causes me great stress and a feeling of anger/anxiety doesnt bother me. That's just one example. She also will plan a whole day with me and then not follow the plan but instead do everything in her sweet time and possibly none of what was on the list. I dont say anything coz I dont want to sound crazy or be rejected again - but it makes me want to tear my skin off. Please can someone tell me that they have heard this before or felt it.
