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I have noticed that my mood is worsening,

Bodhisattva- neil

Good evening,

I have noticed that my mood is worsening, I tend to switch between two states of mind. I am either organised, functioning and with a peaceful outlook or disorganised, non functioning and not at peace, I find these periods of time extremely distressing, I have s nasty habit of researching the internet for information on partial hangings. It’s become an obsession, I get relief from lining up stuff in the kitchen, doing this can be soothing, but very time consuming l

i would be interested to know if anyone else swings through similar cycles, and what do you do in search of relief.

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Hi Ann.  I am sorry you find yourself in that no man's land - I know how bleak it can feel there.  How long have you endured the void for this far?  It is good that you are here in this place and (hopefully) getting some solace as a result.  Just wanted to reassure you that I managed to crawl out of my profound funk - different - but functional enough.  Keep calm and keep the faith.

    All the best.

  • Hi- I can somewhat relate to this- I am in a state of extreme burnout and really not able to cope anymore (essentially just in tears, not sleeping, unable to do even the simplest tasks or activities let alone think...) but then when I was still at work doing things I can snap into this hyperfocused mode, where I am very focused on the task, though unlike when I am feeling better, my mind feels blank. It's almost a trance like state. And as soon as something interupts this or  I take a break, I just collapse again... I think for me I need to properly recuperate and rest and recover from burnout to remedy this...

  • in reply to sphynx

    I don’t take part any community unless I’m forced to, I used to visit the Bristol Buddhist centre but I’ve not been over that side of town since before covid. 
    I’m interested in dharma, what I have learned up to now has been through reading. 
    I’m able to keep myself safe, I just wished I could break these cycles. It’s poisonous, but I can’t stop.

  • Hi Neil,

    These mood changes do sound distressing - and perhaps disorientating too? Do you find you're able to predict when a change might occur? Your research interest is a tough one too, and I really hope you're able to keep yourself safe while exploring it. I wonder if you find it helpful to immerse yourself in that? From the way you describe it I'm sensing it might be something you want to change at some point - but do say if I'm making incorrect assumptions. 

    I don't experience cycles between such polar opposite moods, but I definitely have times when I'm good/fine/ok, times when I'm numb, and times when things are harder/more painful. Finding a good therapist - someone who is also autistic and shares other important aspects of my identity - has felt very significant in sometimes unexpected ways. I have a playlist, and a specific piece of music, that I listen to when I really need some calm or grounding. Currently one of my interests is trauma, but I wouldn't recommend researching this when you're in a difficult place (even though I do). For me personally, supporting others can really help, as can immersing myself in work.

    Those are just a few ideas that sometimes help me. As always, this community is here and it's great that you were able to reach out for support. Keep doing that!

    I'm wondering from your username if you have an interest in Buddhism? I'm not involved right now, but this was a hugely significant part of my life for years. If you don't already have a sangha, this was invaluable for me while I was in Dharma. Normally I would offer to connect but it's hard for me to talk about spiritual practice at the moment.Sudoku was something I used to do a lot to regulate - very mindful activity that demands a lot of focus, like meditation in some ways. 
    I'll keep thinking of ideas though and share them if any come to mind. For now, I hope something here will resonate with you, but it's ok if not. Keep going - you will get through this, and we're all here to help.