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Therapy

Catlover

Ok, I started talking therapy for a number of issues. I didn’t expect an autism specialist lol, but I didn’t expect to hear this in the first 10 minutes:

Oh, but you sound very able.

You must have it really mild.

Me: there’s no such thing as mild autism, you either have autism or you don’t.

oh, so you don’t have it then.

Me: Yes! I am autistic, I have a diagnosis. I’m pointing out that you cannot get a diagnosis if you don’t meet all the criteria and if it doesn’t affect how you live your life each day.

I can’t be bothered to outline the rest. But putting that aside, it was good to air some things I’ve otherwise never spoken about.

Parents

  • I’m off today as annual leave to try and deal with exhaustion. But I’m having the worst anxiety of my life and that’s saying something! Some realisations and revelations have tilted my already wobbly world on it’s axis and I’m so glad I have my therapy session tonight, though I have texted in advance to let her know I’m having a breakdown. The world is laughing at me for being so slow for some pennies to drop - it’s happened before, and it’s happening again- and to pick up on some crucial betrayals. I’m on my own, and always have been. Life can be very cruel. 

  • in reply to Shardovan

    People may undermine you and disrespect you, but if they do, it is their loss (in my opinion of you.)

    Try not to undermine and disrespect yourself Shard - self loathing is something I know a lot about!  It ain't helpful.

    You seem to be pretty universally loved and respected on these pages - don't forget that.

    Very best wishes.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    That’s such a nice thing to say, everyone here is lovely so you’re easily pleased - luckily for me! 

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Yes, I'm very familiar with that "Furious Blinking Response" response - I get that sometimes, but more normally, when I am talking honestly about things that matter to me....I get more of a "OK, lets not make any sudden movements and slowly back away from this intense weirdo" vibe.

    It used to make me sad - I'm rewarded for talking trite meaningless nonsense (which I can do readily, but it is tiring and frustratingly pointless) - but I'm ostracised for speaking truthfully about matters that are important to me.

    I nearly had a mental breakdown about it, until I realised what was going on in my head - now I'm becoming also Z E N  C A L M because I can now see that my "normal" is a shared experience with many other people on these pages.  SUCH a relief - and joy !!

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    I seem to be labelled as "too intense" and/or "so weird."

    It can be worse. You might be saying things so far beyond their comprehension that the only response you get is The Furious Blinking Response.

  • in reply to Shardovan

    You are right - I, for one, am very easily pleased....in this respect;

    On these pages, I can write things honestly and people appreciate that - they even want to talk more about it sometimes !!

    In the "real world," if I make an honest declaration about how I feel about things, I seem to be labelled as "too intense" and/or "so weird."  No wonder I've been masking for SO long - if I don't tell the truth and suppress my thoughts and feelings - I can be viewed as "reasonably" normal.......if only they knew!

    I love the fact that we all seem to genuinely care and want to support each other in this place - so naturally.

    This is my happy place - and I'm pleased you appreciated my honest words to you!

Reply
  • in reply to Shardovan

    You are right - I, for one, am very easily pleased....in this respect;

    On these pages, I can write things honestly and people appreciate that - they even want to talk more about it sometimes !!

    In the "real world," if I make an honest declaration about how I feel about things, I seem to be labelled as "too intense" and/or "so weird."  No wonder I've been masking for SO long - if I don't tell the truth and suppress my thoughts and feelings - I can be viewed as "reasonably" normal.......if only they knew!

    I love the fact that we all seem to genuinely care and want to support each other in this place - so naturally.

    This is my happy place - and I'm pleased you appreciated my honest words to you!

Children
  • in reply to Mariusz

    Yes, I'm very familiar with that "Furious Blinking Response" response - I get that sometimes, but more normally, when I am talking honestly about things that matter to me....I get more of a "OK, lets not make any sudden movements and slowly back away from this intense weirdo" vibe.

    It used to make me sad - I'm rewarded for talking trite meaningless nonsense (which I can do readily, but it is tiring and frustratingly pointless) - but I'm ostracised for speaking truthfully about matters that are important to me.

    I nearly had a mental breakdown about it, until I realised what was going on in my head - now I'm becoming also Z E N  C A L M because I can now see that my "normal" is a shared experience with many other people on these pages.  SUCH a relief - and joy !!

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    I seem to be labelled as "too intense" and/or "so weird."

    It can be worse. You might be saying things so far beyond their comprehension that the only response you get is The Furious Blinking Response.