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Therapy

Catlover

Ok, I started talking therapy for a number of issues. I didn’t expect an autism specialist lol, but I didn’t expect to hear this in the first 10 minutes:

Oh, but you sound very able.

You must have it really mild.

Me: there’s no such thing as mild autism, you either have autism or you don’t.

oh, so you don’t have it then.

Me: Yes! I am autistic, I have a diagnosis. I’m pointing out that you cannot get a diagnosis if you don’t meet all the criteria and if it doesn’t affect how you live your life each day.

I can’t be bothered to outline the rest. But putting that aside, it was good to air some things I’ve otherwise never spoken about.

Parents

  • I’m off today as annual leave to try and deal with exhaustion. But I’m having the worst anxiety of my life and that’s saying something! Some realisations and revelations have tilted my already wobbly world on it’s axis and I’m so glad I have my therapy session tonight, though I have texted in advance to let her know I’m having a breakdown. The world is laughing at me for being so slow for some pennies to drop - it’s happened before, and it’s happening again- and to pick up on some crucial betrayals. I’m on my own, and always have been. Life can be very cruel. 

  • in reply to Shardovan

    I'm really sorry to hear that. Sending you lots of solidarity. I hope the session goes well tonight. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to take care of yourself- it's great that you took annual leave- I think time to recuperate and rest and to just step back can do a lot of good and healing- just give yourself time to adjust to it- I don't know about you but when I am super burnt-out, I feel worse initially when I finally get a break- I seem to utterly collapse and I just get a lot of feelings of guilt and feel lost and purposeless. That then often makes me not want to take a break and force myself back into work too early until ultimately it results in utter collapse when I am forced to take a break. Not sure if any of this sounds familiar, but if it does happen to you just give yourself the time to rest and recover and trust that it will get better with time. How long will you be able to take off? Hope you can get all the time you need- don't try to rush recuperating. I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with betrayals too... people can be so cruel. You are not on your own. We are all here for you! 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Thanks for putting so much time and care into those words Ann! Just today was all I took, and working from home tomorrow. My job isn’t rocket science but does take sustained concentration that I must confess has been in short supply this month. Being ill over Christmas and my dad being in for a major op meant I came back just as tired as when I got off. I was so bad this morning I had a mad thought about phoning my GP and asking for a line or something, but in balance it would be overkill and I’d worry that I would have too much time to think. And worse, too much to catch up on (a block of new developments rather than the more manageable drip feed of ‘what fresh hell…’) in one go. It’s not fear of missing out, just fear of not knowing and the impact being harder for being late. 

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  • in reply to Ann :)

    Thanks for putting so much time and care into those words Ann! Just today was all I took, and working from home tomorrow. My job isn’t rocket science but does take sustained concentration that I must confess has been in short supply this month. Being ill over Christmas and my dad being in for a major op meant I came back just as tired as when I got off. I was so bad this morning I had a mad thought about phoning my GP and asking for a line or something, but in balance it would be overkill and I’d worry that I would have too much time to think. And worse, too much to catch up on (a block of new developments rather than the more manageable drip feed of ‘what fresh hell…’) in one go. It’s not fear of missing out, just fear of not knowing and the impact being harder for being late. 

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