Morning All,
Newly-subscribed to this channel which, in itself, is maybe an explanation of my position and circumstances.
I am a father of two, my eldest having received a formal ASD diagnosis shortly before his 3rd birthday. He'll be 10 this year, and we've subsequently gone on to have a 2nd child, a neuro-typical daughter who is now 4 years old.
I've been in and out of private counselling for a number of year for a multitude of reasons but, primarily, it's been down to reluctance to accept my son's diagnosis, an inability to move on from the shock and grief of this new reality in fatherhood. I love my son, this is not the overriding issue, but I have great difficulty in staying consistent with that love and often find myself getting frustrated, embarrassed or even angry at some of the ways his ASD presents itself.
I think this, and a number of other factors have taken a significant toll of my mental health and general outlook on life and, sadly, this has recently put a significant strain on my marriage whereby I am currently separated from my wife and children. My wife has finally run out of patience of my constant mood swings, behavioural issues at home and the ways in which I interact with my children; not just my ASD son.
I think I've been kidding myself that my counselling as been having a significant impact and we have tended to move in cycles of marginal improvements before a return to past problems and behaviours. My marriage aside, I'm hoping some of you may be able to advise on just how I can finally find acceptance of son's diagnosis, his and our future, and succeed in finding great joy and satisfaction in the wonderful individual he is and will go on the become.
I've read threads centered around Alexithymia this morning - a new concept to me - and it has certainly resonated with a lot of the ways I express myself. But I have been in steady decline for years now, in large part due to my "new" reality as a father of a neuro-divergent child and, to cope, I've really narrowed by world to just my immediate family and the closed walls of our home putting a lot of dependence on those closest to me.
I'm quite ashamed to be writing this type of post on a platform which clearly seeks to celebrate neuro-divergent lives but I've really reached a new low in recent weeks. I'm hopeful of, either, some very pertinent suggestions, some support of shared experiences and advice on how to better myself and my understanding or, even, some harsh truths for someone who just hasn't been accept the situation.
Thank you all in advance,