I've had therapy and counselling a few times in my life for social anxiety, but it's ineffective because they're trained to councel neurotypicals. I'm autistic with ADHD.
Is there no autistic therapy on the NHS? (With a therapist who is autistic and trained to councel autistics). I could only find one such service on the website and it's private only.
If they exist, how do I access them, please? I feel like only a neurodivergent therapist could help.
Hello there is an association of neurodivergent therapists, here is the link to the website:
https://neurodivergenttherapists.com/
I've had therapy and counselling a few times in my life for social anxiety, but it's ineffective because they're trained to councel neurotypicals
I definitely understand what you mean, it is much more useful to talk to other autistics about our experiences because they just ‘get it’. I have had similar experiences and the reason why it didn’t work is because my needs weren’t understood in the context of being autistic. My anxiety was not disordered or in need of treatment it was a result of being in an environment that was not autistic friendly. Hopefully though you will be able to make a connection with an autistic therapist.
Being autistic is the very core of who we are, so I definitely understand what you mean.
We need to be supported by our own community so that we don’t have to explain our neurology.
It’s so important to have an autistic counsellor because they will hopefully be able to relate better. I feel the same way too.
There is another website ‘Autistic Mental Health’
https://autisticmentalhealth.uk/
This website is useful and provides resources for autistic people seeking counselling.
I hope this helps.
My anxiety was not disordered or in need of treatment it was a result of being in an environment that was not autistic friendly
This is why, even after CBTing myself through a situation, I am still anxious. I understand we can thought challenge stuff but it often doesn't work. I have kept myself in anxiety provoking situations TRYING to CBT without syccess. Sometimes it does help but it depends on the root cause of anxiety.
After that, I had an autistic counsellor and it was one of the best things I've ever done. You can also go on BACP and filter through therapists who specialise in autism. I don't know ...I dont think it matters how much an allistic person knows about autism but I don't think there's any comparison to lived experience.
This is why, even after CBTing myself through a situation, I am still anxious. I understand we can thought challenge stuff but it often doesn't work. I have kept myself in anxiety provoking situations TRYING to CBT without syccess. Sometimes it does help but it depends on the root cause of anxiety.
Yes I understand. Keeping yourself in anxiety provoking situations as part of CBT is about tolerating your anxiety because sometimes therapists think you will be ‘desensitised’. This can work for anxiety like OCD sometimes though, like you say it depends on the root cause.
This doesn’t work for autistics because firstly our nervous system works differently and cannot be desensitised, our responses are natural and instinctive and secondly by listening to our anxiety and leaving situations we can understand our autistic neurology better and set boundaries. Leaving situations that are distressing/anxiety provoking as an autistic is self care.
After that, I had an autistic counsellor and it was one of the best things I've ever done. You can also go on BACP and filter through therapists who specialise in autism. I don't know ...I dont think it matters how much an allistic person knows about autism but I don't think there's any comparison to lived experience.
It’s great that you had a positive experience with an autistic counsellor, this just further highlights why we need contact with other autistic counsellors who understand us on an instinctive level. The foundation of good therapy is building a trusting relationship and that must have been so much easier because you didn’t have to explain autistic experience.
I completely agree with you about lived experience, we are the experts on our own autistic experience!
This is why, even after CBTing myself through a situation, I am still anxious. I understand we can thought challenge stuff but it often doesn't work. I have kept myself in anxiety provoking situations TRYING to CBT without syccess. Sometimes it does help but it depends on the root cause of anxiety.
Yes I understand. Keeping yourself in anxiety provoking situations as part of CBT is about tolerating your anxiety because sometimes therapists think you will be ‘desensitised’. This can work for anxiety like OCD sometimes though, like you say it depends on the root cause.
This doesn’t work for autistics because firstly our nervous system works differently and cannot be desensitised, our responses are natural and instinctive and secondly by listening to our anxiety and leaving situations we can understand our autistic neurology better and set boundaries. Leaving situations that are distressing/anxiety provoking as an autistic is self care.
After that, I had an autistic counsellor and it was one of the best things I've ever done. You can also go on BACP and filter through therapists who specialise in autism. I don't know ...I dont think it matters how much an allistic person knows about autism but I don't think there's any comparison to lived experience.
It’s great that you had a positive experience with an autistic counsellor, this just further highlights why we need contact with other autistic counsellors who understand us on an instinctive level. The foundation of good therapy is building a trusting relationship and that must have been so much easier because you didn’t have to explain autistic experience.
I completely agree with you about lived experience, we are the experts on our own autistic experience!
I think there's often a lot of working out what people are expecting of me so i can play along.
Yes this is part of masking where we are people pleasing instead of showing our honest responses. I don’t really understand why some people can get offended if you say you don’t like their present, it’s just a preference.
You're right about animals and I feel sometimes I can intuit with my pet more so than my partner can.
Pets can be very loyal too, this can help to balance out the unpredictability of humans. What pet do you have? As the saying goes ‘a dog is a man’s best friend’ (if you have a dog).
I discounted Luke Beardon when I first read it but now I can see I think I'd been brainwashed by CBT. Now I think he's spot on.
Luke Beardon’s work is definitely accurate, he has such a great understanding of our autistic community, even though he is not autistic. I already have one of his books ‘Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults’ it is so brilliant and useful, I have highlighted and annotated multiple sections and have asked for one of his other books for Christmas. Luke’s Beardon’s work is very simple really because as humans we are all products of our environment.
Thanks, it’s great that you were able to find an autistic counsellor who understood you and that some strategies from CBT are useful for you.
The present receiving example is a good one. I think there's often a lot of working out what people are expecting of me so i can play along. Like when someone's telling a story and I don't know what they're talking about or can't tell if it was positive or negative so how to respond. Or other times I feel my response is over the top and the falseness makes me uncomfortable.
You're right about animals and I feel sometimes I can intuit with my pet more so than my partner can.
I discounted Luke Beardon when I first read it but now I can see I think I'd been brainwashed by CBT. Now I think he's spot on.
I don't regret anything because I didn't know at the time all I can do is move forward.
I hope you eventually found the help you needed.
Yes definitely anxiety does depend on the root cause.
‘I think it does depend on the root cause. Ive realised that people by their very nature are unpredictable and I need a huge amount of certainty. I think some of my "social anxiety" isn't about worrying if people think badly of me, it's that I cannot read if a situation is ok. I need definite signals. Even with people I am mostly very comfortable with’
Humans are incredibly unpredictable and difficult to understand sometimes, I think that’s why some of us autistics have a deep and very natural connection with animals. Animals are usually much simpler and calmer and they have no expectations of you providing you meet their basic needs.
Yes some of social anxiety could definitely be based on confusion in NT environments because a lot of the time signals are conflicting. I need definitely signals and honesty too, I am not great with implication.
A common example saying thank you for a present even though you face says you obviously don’t like it or responding to the question ‘how are you?’ with ‘fine’ despite the fact that your face.
No you know you are autistic I imagine you regret putting yourself through situations which caused sensory pain/overload. The realisation of being autistic hopefully means you can be kinder to yourself.
Yes I understand what you mean about anxiety and being in the right environment. To quote Luke Beardon’s brilliant golden equation- ‘’Autism + Environment = Outcome’
It’s great that you had an excellent experience with a therapist, that must have been beneficial for you.
I think it does depend on the root cause. Ive realised that people by their very nature are unpredictable and I need a huge amount of certainty. I think some of my "social anxiety" isn't about worrying if people think badly of me, it's that I cannot read if a situation is ok. I need definite signals. Even with people I am mostly very comfortable with. Also the feeling of being overwhelmed by information and the sensory aspect....you cannot desensitise yourself to it. I have put myself through this regularly because I was masking and didn't know I was autistic. So in effect doing my own "exposure therapy".long before I'd had CBT. Anxiety got worse not better because it wasn't the right environment. I also think my "GAD" was there but masking autistic burnout and stress. This was never picked up but also I sometimes have difficulty explaining myself to get across what I need.
CBT has given me some tools though which work in the right context. I had an excellent therapist overall. I've taken part in group sessions and online stuff. I never felt listened to with those and it made me worse. I was made to feel my thought processes were irrational but it seemed to me that I was the rational one.
