Hello all, I’m in my late thirties. To date, I have not been able to maintain any kind of romantic relationship past three years.
I have learnt coping mechanism to keep certain friendships afloat by keeping them at arms length.
I have lost many, many friendships over the years. I basically have learnt not to get too close to anyone. Each and every time I have let my guard down, taken my neurotypical mask off, they don’t like what they see.
My sister outright said to me the other day that my autism is hard work. She finds my ‘regimented way of being’ difficult. That I’m inflexible etc etc. the list could go on. This was on the tail end of me telling her that my last partner told me that she didn’t know if she could cope with my autism. (We broke up a few months ago) I find these statements hard to hear because I like to find solutions. I can’t really find a solution to my neurodivergence being a problem for people - Other than just not being.
I’m starting to get completely deflated by the constant crushing and failed relationships.
I want connection and I’d really like to be accepted for all the wonderful colours that make me me.
Can anyone relate?
How do you manage. And how do you fill the void of the lack of connection and feeling of isolation?
