Published on 12, July, 2020
I went from freelance to full time permanent employment at age 47.
Mortgage must be paid.
Thus not feeling free = prisoner of this circumstance, being told what to do.
What’s the point of living just to pay a mortgage, hating the workplace j hating my life hoping for a distant free future?
Or is my negativity just typical of Autism spectrum disorder?
I got diagnosed in 2018.
Work has always been the biggest cause of stress in my life. It is the one thing I force myself to do and has led to so many breakdowns over the years and a severe burnout. I am 35 now and I still havnt found a solution. I want to work from home but the only thing Im good enough at to work from home with is writing and I have tried to find regular work in that for 6 years and cant.
So its always back to the classroom and back to teaching, which I enjoy parts of, but always leaves me panicy, pressured, overwhelmed and stressed out. Only trouble is when Ive tried other things like retail and reception theyve been even worse
Most jobs Ive ever had have led to a breakdown in the end but need the money so dont know how to break the cycle
The exhaustion of having to socially interact with different people all day, plus live up to bosses expectations, most of which I dont understand, is usually too much for me in the end