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Conflicting emotions (Trigger Warning!)

Sporadic Sparkly

Earlier this morning I paid a visit to my Facebook account to look at some photographs that had been taken at a family wedding back in September. As I was scrolling down my newsfeed, I spotted a post by one of my late dad's cousins stating that she had been diagnosed with stomach cancer. I then read it had been caught early, and that she was about to undergo an operation to remove it. The prognosis looked good. In addition to feeling upset and concerned for my dad's cousin, the positive prognosis had also touched a raw nerve.

In September 2018, my dad had also been diagnosed with stomach cancer. Although it was fairly advanced, it hadn't spread. The plan had been for my dad to have a course of chemotherapy to shrink the tumour, followed by an operation to remove it, and then a course of post-operative chemotherapy to reduce the risk of cancer returning. I am sure that most people will be in agreement that the NHS was struggling long before Covid came along. In my dad's case, his tumour was operating on a different timetable to the NHS. By the time he had been due to start his pre-operative chemotherapy (more than 2 months after his initial diagnosis), the tumour had grown and was deemed inoperable. This left me feeling incredibly angry because I felt the system had failed him. My dad had been offered palliative chemotherapy to buy him more time, which had been due to start in January 2019. From my perspective, he was far too unwell. Although it broke my heart, it came as no surprise when my dad announced on Boxing Day 2018 that he'd had enough and couldn't see the point in prolonging the inevitable. He died in March 2019.

So, going back to my dad's cousin. She has the advantage of being able to afford private healthcare. Whilst I hope she makes a full recovery, I also feel bitter that the medical treatment she has received has happened at what seems like lightning speed. In her case, she was operated on 6 weeks after her diagnosis.

Apologies if this post has upset anyone. I just needed to have a good old vent.

Parents

  • I’m so sorry your dad went through this, I lost my dad to prostate cancer. My dad thought that as usual men self heal in all medical matters. When he did finally let on to how much pain he was in, it was far too late. I think it’s one of the worst things that I’ve been through and to some extent still am. To watch your hero, a strong man who was my friend, dad and business partner become so gaunt and thin was heart breaking. His cousin went and got checked and as a result his prostate cancer was caught early. He always says that my dad saved his life, he said that he wouldn’t have ever bothered going for a check. I do take some consolation in that. My dad’s sister died suddenly on Christmas Eve that year, we didn’t tell him as he was unconscious then, the syringe driver had been started. He died 4 days later. I find Christmas a very hard time. I don’t have any answers for you, there aren’t any. We just try and make the best of it all, we will always have our memories. Take care.

Reply

  • I’m so sorry your dad went through this, I lost my dad to prostate cancer. My dad thought that as usual men self heal in all medical matters. When he did finally let on to how much pain he was in, it was far too late. I think it’s one of the worst things that I’ve been through and to some extent still am. To watch your hero, a strong man who was my friend, dad and business partner become so gaunt and thin was heart breaking. His cousin went and got checked and as a result his prostate cancer was caught early. He always says that my dad saved his life, he said that he wouldn’t have ever bothered going for a check. I do take some consolation in that. My dad’s sister died suddenly on Christmas Eve that year, we didn’t tell him as he was unconscious then, the syringe driver had been started. He died 4 days later. I find Christmas a very hard time. I don’t have any answers for you, there aren’t any. We just try and make the best of it all, we will always have our memories. Take care.

Children
  • in reply to Roy

    I am so sorry that you lost your dad to prostate cancer, and so soon after the loss of your aunt on Christmas Eve. It's completely understandable why you find Christmas difficult.

    Do you think that perhaps the knowledge of what a prostate examination involves may have played a part in your dad leaving it too late for treatment to be an option? It is good though that you can take some comfort from the knowledge that your dad's cousin went and got himself checked.