• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 6 subscribers
  • Views 1309 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Self-centredness and ‘being there for those who are grieving’

NAS73180

 I might not feel good about being self-centred but that is just plain truth and it is what makes ASD a disorder.

Recently I contacted a cousin to commiserate on the death of her mother. I was more worried about me not getting the appropriate words, tone and how I felt than the grieving cousin.

I expect my mother, sister brother father and others in society would reprimand me think less of me because I have this attitude but I am powerless over it.

Or maybe I am considering them after all but just afraid of being imperfect. 

Parents

  • You wanted to get it right for your cousin, right? If you were truely self-centred you wouldn't even have called. But you put yourself through the discomfort anyway. I'm sure that mattered to your cousin.

    What a lot of NTs don't tell you is that they trot out platitudes because it's expected. They are not all paragons of selflessness and consideration. They just find it easier to utter the right words.

  • in reply to Dawn

    I agree. Why be sensitive to that degree for the sake of your cousin? Why care about how someone perceives your tone or words? Because underneath, even if it's to not make matters worse, it's because you're aware this other is going through something incredibly difficult. That's caring about them.

    Many of us have grown up being so severely misunderstood that we become hyper-aware of trying to not be misunderstood. And we may have to work hard to make sure we communicate how we deeply feel so our words match our feelings. Making that difficult act an act of selflessness.

Reply
  • in reply to Dawn

    I agree. Why be sensitive to that degree for the sake of your cousin? Why care about how someone perceives your tone or words? Because underneath, even if it's to not make matters worse, it's because you're aware this other is going through something incredibly difficult. That's caring about them.

    Many of us have grown up being so severely misunderstood that we become hyper-aware of trying to not be misunderstood. And we may have to work hard to make sure we communicate how we deeply feel so our words match our feelings. Making that difficult act an act of selflessness.

Children
No Data