Hi everyone.
I hope you are doing alright at the moment. I’m seeming to be hitting a bit of a dip at the moment. For a while I’ve been quite positive and seemed to be making strides coming to terms with everything, but I knew it wouldn’t last forever and now is looking like the turning point unfortunately. I know I’m feeling tired at the minute, so that doesn’t help, but it’s an odd feeling at the moment.
Im not looking for anyone to ‘fix it’, but a few words of wisdom and views from a different perspective might really help.
I posted recently about a bit of a rough day and felt like I’d bounced back, but I seem to forget how I work in moments like this. The next day I’m often fine, but it’s a day or two after where I tend to dip and I think that’s what’s happening here.
I think I’m just feeling really let down by the way a lot of people in the public seem to conduct and handle themselves when out and about and in certain places like when at work. Everyone just seems to be in a rush, incredibly rude or overly combative towards anyone that dares to get in their way. It seems like everyone has forgotten their manners. If you’re not loudly shouting about what you want or need, you don’t get a look in. I’ve spent a large portion of my life feeling fairly invisible, which suits me a lot of the time, but it just seems more and more like I don’t exist in many of the situations I find myself in. The worst part is that no one seems to notice that they are doing this. Barging people out of the way, not saying thank you when a door is held open, not replying to a ‘good morning, racing dangerously around people on the road etc. At work I’ve had many of my things ‘borrowed’ and now I’m having to negotiate for them back when I need them, but if I say something, I think I’ll come across as the ‘bad guy’.
I’ve worked really hard to make sense of how to politely interact with the world around me, consciously having to learn about eye contact and not over talking about interests etc. Listening to conversations that don’t really interest me, engaging in small talk etc. But it just seems like those rules of interaction are disappearing in front of my eyes, or that I’m the only one left doing them, and I’m now left to pick up the pieces of a puzzle I thought I’d already completed. If anything it feels like I’ve built the wrong picture from the pieces I was given, if that even makes sense.
Im sorry for rambling, in fact, I probably haven’t made much sense. It all just feels a little too much at the minute and I can’t help but feel quite disappointed with those around me.
If you do have any thoughts, similar or not, I’d genuinely love to hear them. I am trying to get out of this headspace at the moment, but I’m finding that quite challenging at the moment.
