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Mental health

ParentingAutism

Worried parent here. My 16 y.o daughter is really struggling right now. She is overwhelmed with so much and her anxiety is so high.

She is meant to be working later today, but has messaged her boss saying she won't be in and might not return to the job. 

Her teachers are saying she isn't herself, withdrawn and quiet. I know what she's doing here: It's a coping mechanism because she is trying to purposely push everyone away and not trust them because she is thinking about leaving school so it's an easier transition for herself.

We aren't sure if she'll be getting a taxi, and have a feeling it won't happen, so I will have to take her twice a week, which she isn't happy with so said if she doesn't get a taxi, she is going to leave school and do an online college. 

She said she isn't capable of work, college, school and life because she can handle anything. 

There is no structure at the moment, unless at home, she never knows what is happening on a daily basis with school. It's all too much for her right now and she's putting a lot of pressure on herself. I've tried helping but I don't know what else I can do, the biggest issues, taxi, is out of my control. 

Parents

  • She always wants to be in control and ofcourse she's not. I've told her to take it one day at a time but meltdowns are more frequent than usual because of high levels of anxiety. What can I do to help? Honestly, I feel like a rubbish parent 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Hi, You are definitely not a rubbish parent!! I have seen many of your posts on here and I can tell you care deeply and are doing a very good job at supporting your daughter. You are doing all you can and even though mums are brilliant and can make lots of problems go away when we are kids, even supermums have their limits. Just to clarify, the taxi is to take her into school? And it is being unpredictable which is causing her a lot of stress? 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    I struggle a lot with change myself as well as with unpredictability. What helps me is to make everything that can be constant/predictable as predictable and constant as possible to give me some stability. I am sure you are doing this already though! 

    Also, is there an option she could stay off from school for a few days? To recharge? Or do you think being at home will not help? It might take time for her to recover- I often feel like taking a break is making things worse/ not helping, but in fact it's probably because I am so burnt out that I would just need longer to get back my energy and once the pressure is off somewhat, it results in collapse. 

  • in reply to Ann :)

    Thank you Ann! Hopefully we get the taxi sorted out quickly. She's been sleeping all weekend which she doesn't usually do so I guess she's trying to recharge herself. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    That does sound difficult. From what you are saying it sounds like she is completely overwhelmed with a lot of things, which just makes dealing with unpredictability/change more difficult. For me my ability to deal with change/unpredictability is a moving threshold- There is only so much change I can deal with at once but if I am feeling overwhelmed or exhausted in general, my threshold is lower and even a small thing (which I might usually be fine with) can be too much. Hopefully she will be  able to get some more routine and consistency into other aspects of her life so that she can better deal with this. It's super difficult. Wishing you all the best!

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  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    That does sound difficult. From what you are saying it sounds like she is completely overwhelmed with a lot of things, which just makes dealing with unpredictability/change more difficult. For me my ability to deal with change/unpredictability is a moving threshold- There is only so much change I can deal with at once but if I am feeling overwhelmed or exhausted in general, my threshold is lower and even a small thing (which I might usually be fine with) can be too much. Hopefully she will be  able to get some more routine and consistency into other aspects of her life so that she can better deal with this. It's super difficult. Wishing you all the best!

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