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I don't know how to find a sense of self/identity

NAS81050

The only time I really felt like I knew who I was was when I was really little. In middle school I developed an eating disorder and ever since then (I'm 22 now), my life has mostly been filled with health issues and depression. I've been in a few relationships and I always find myself so happy when I'm dating someone. I don't take on all of their hobbies but I just feel more excited about life and open to trying new things. But by myself I just feel dull. Like I don't know what I enjoy. My only "hobby" is walking outside. I like researching things and watching videos but I wouldn't call that a hobby, and it doesn't add to my identity. I have values but those are applicable in relationships more-so than when I'm alone.

Am I supposed to be 100% content with my own company? Is it unhealthy to rely on friendships? Isn't human connection necessary for happiness? Is it such a bad thing that I don't know who I am when I'm completely isolated? How do I discover who I really am...I have tried everything, it feels like. I'm in therapy. I try new things. But doing things alone just doesn't give me that much joy. I feel immensely better just sitting with someone and talking rather than doing any activity on my own.

Parents

  • I’ve suffered from anxiety and autism all my life.  

    Autistic people tend to focus on one specific interest.  When you say “I don't know what I enjoy.”, this is not true.  For you, walking is something that you enjoy and is a specific interest.  For me, flying aeroplanes on a free online flight simulator is a specific interest.

    Friendships are important in the long run because without friends, you will feel lonely eventually.  Friends make us feel less lonely and give us support and advice when we are going through tough times.  So, it is not unhealthy to rely on friendships and human connections are essential for happiness.  You can be happy in your own company and many autistic people are happier and less anxious in their own company.  However, to be completely happy, you need to have friends.  You won’t know who you are when you are alone because friends are what makes us complete.

Reply

  • I’ve suffered from anxiety and autism all my life.  

    Autistic people tend to focus on one specific interest.  When you say “I don't know what I enjoy.”, this is not true.  For you, walking is something that you enjoy and is a specific interest.  For me, flying aeroplanes on a free online flight simulator is a specific interest.

    Friendships are important in the long run because without friends, you will feel lonely eventually.  Friends make us feel less lonely and give us support and advice when we are going through tough times.  So, it is not unhealthy to rely on friendships and human connections are essential for happiness.  You can be happy in your own company and many autistic people are happier and less anxious in their own company.  However, to be completely happy, you need to have friends.  You won’t know who you are when you are alone because friends are what makes us complete.

Children
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