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I don't know how to find a sense of self/identity

NAS81050

The only time I really felt like I knew who I was was when I was really little. In middle school I developed an eating disorder and ever since then (I'm 22 now), my life has mostly been filled with health issues and depression. I've been in a few relationships and I always find myself so happy when I'm dating someone. I don't take on all of their hobbies but I just feel more excited about life and open to trying new things. But by myself I just feel dull. Like I don't know what I enjoy. My only "hobby" is walking outside. I like researching things and watching videos but I wouldn't call that a hobby, and it doesn't add to my identity. I have values but those are applicable in relationships more-so than when I'm alone.

Am I supposed to be 100% content with my own company? Is it unhealthy to rely on friendships? Isn't human connection necessary for happiness? Is it such a bad thing that I don't know who I am when I'm completely isolated? How do I discover who I really am...I have tried everything, it feels like. I'm in therapy. I try new things. But doing things alone just doesn't give me that much joy. I feel immensely better just sitting with someone and talking rather than doing any activity on my own.

Parents

  • know exactly what you mean, it just feels like "something you do" or "existing", and if someone asks what you like etc, you truly have no answer for it, and then they dont understand, can see in face before next word, and then, yeah, its an, im dunno, never known any different i suppose 

    and yep, about being in your own being different from with others, im pretty certain i wouldn't have the public outbursts i can have when im on my own, if i was with someone, i think even what i see as sensory overload things, i think eases a lot more if not alone.

    and, well, im sorry i cant give you any advice, i wish i could and that would mean id have a way myself to work this crap about myself out, and, as lonely as my life now is, its always revolved around others, the routine of others, putting others first, doing things for people just, for no particular reason, i dunno, its supposed to  not be a healthy way to live, i can tell you that much.

    but, when its all youve known, how do you tell it yourself? and how do you go about, i dunno, changing things? i suppose 

Reply

  • know exactly what you mean, it just feels like "something you do" or "existing", and if someone asks what you like etc, you truly have no answer for it, and then they dont understand, can see in face before next word, and then, yeah, its an, im dunno, never known any different i suppose 

    and yep, about being in your own being different from with others, im pretty certain i wouldn't have the public outbursts i can have when im on my own, if i was with someone, i think even what i see as sensory overload things, i think eases a lot more if not alone.

    and, well, im sorry i cant give you any advice, i wish i could and that would mean id have a way myself to work this crap about myself out, and, as lonely as my life now is, its always revolved around others, the routine of others, putting others first, doing things for people just, for no particular reason, i dunno, its supposed to  not be a healthy way to live, i can tell you that much.

    but, when its all youve known, how do you tell it yourself? and how do you go about, i dunno, changing things? i suppose 

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