I don't know how to find a sense of self/identity

First of all, it might be good to get tested for allergies. What appears as a food disorder might be related to keeping the body from danger. I was forced to eat things I was severely allergic to and then despised for being rail thin when I should've been taken to an allergist. Nothing changed until l ended up in a critical state. Much better now, though.

Discovering/Recovering the sense of 'self' is a thing many go through in their 20s. And it can seem like getting back to that being we were when young, thus the term 'inner' child. 

I have a theory that Autistics go about this in a different way than NeuroTypicals, first because we already feel like a mismatch in society and are confronted by feeling isolated quite often, and that sense can be intense. This is a type of conflict and perpetual conflict with no resolution can create hopelessness. One needs to apply learned rules, as simple as learning the rules to a video game, to get to the next level or break through a ‘wall’.

Erich Fromm wrote a few books, which I recommend to everyone, the first is the Art of Loving followed by The Revolution of Hope. They are about becoming the self in relationship with the world around. 

Whether introverted or extroverted, we are Relational Beings. And many Autistics might be missing practical skills required for investing in relationships.

It is important to spend time getting to know our-selves, and understanding the nature of the self, being human, is like any science. Learn the rules, and apply them. Practice them. The critical thing to note is that, improper use of our nature of being will produce a bad result, a user error, but unlike math, it might not block or ruin the rest of the formula until years later. But we don’t learn in a vacuum. So, I need to practice a rule of kindness in a group setting. Seconding on the hiking group. Or mycology group or gardening group... And practice rules of kindness. The rule being a priori (theory), working out the measurements and application in experience. 

Hume believed we are made of Sense Perception, without which, there is no self. Kant took the matter of Being further and introduced the Categorical Imperative, that the Self in it's best state is one capable of reasoning and adherence to a sense of Duty. Now - this sounds a bit unattainable. But actually, Kant’s proposal is that need not be slaves to our Passions, though our innate passions might be slaves to our senses. Or simply put, we are not slaves to our emotions. But free to reason through them and choose to do what is right over what is simply nature or immediate. 

What this makes me think is that, by applying principles or values which help us Grow into our being - such as being reasonable, responsible, disciplined, and not all at once, but as a long-term trajectory with a sense of becoming and that of becoming with purpose, is quite possibly the best way of uncovering our ‘inner’ self. 

This is possibly more of an uncovering, like peeling off layers of socialised nuances which don’t actually fit with who we are internally. For instance, a simple task of setting a time to pop outside each day. Depending on your mobility, it may look different, but let’s just say it’s to go for a short walk. Or a simple task of making the bed. Unlike NeuroTypicals, these don’t bring a sense of ‘accomplishment’, but a walk reinforces a deeper respect of our human-ness, our biology, while making a bed can be about practicing kindness to the self as a forward-paying gift. Small, seemingly insignificant, but effective. And if we can learn in small steps to be kind to ourselves (not selfish, kindness takes effort, selfishness is effortless), we can easily be kind to others. 

The NT socialised layers, like ‘scales’ we’ve acquired, are a collection of cruelties. Our natural response to them perpetuates a very self-defeating survival-mode. So as we grow into our being, they slide off. They simply don’t fit and slowly become more pointless and apparent as we Grow. 

The end result is that humans feel more comfortable trusting those who Make an Effort, or aren’t Lazy. And earning trust is a valuable skill. Lasting relationships require a continual investment of kindness, intentionality and respect. Learning to respect the self is difficult, but consciously affording respect to another in small ways can help us learn to apply this internally. 

While yes, I agree like Dawn mentioned, we don't forge our inner self, but it could be years of treasure hunting and that may require work.

I feel like this is maybe too much, so feel free to interrogate all of this! 

First of all, it might be good to get tested for allergies. What appears as a food disorder might be related to keeping the body from danger. I was forced to eat things I was severely allergic to and then despised for being rail thin when I should've been taken to an allergist. Nothing changed until l ended up in a critical state. Much better now, though.

Discovering/Recovering the sense of 'self' is a thing many go through in their 20s. And it can seem like getting back to that being we were when young, thus the term 'inner' child. 

I have a theory that Autistics go about this in a different way than NeuroTypicals, first because we already feel like a mismatch in society and are confronted by feeling isolated quite often, and that sense can be intense. This is a type of conflict and perpetual conflict with no resolution can create hopelessness. One needs to apply learned rules, as simple as learning the rules to a video game, to get to the next level or break through a ‘wall’.

Erich Fromm wrote a few books, which I recommend to everyone, the first is the Art of Loving followed by The Revolution of Hope. They are about becoming the self in relationship with the world around. 

Whether introverted or extroverted, we are Relational Beings. And many Autistics might be missing practical skills required for investing in relationships.

It is important to spend time getting to know our-selves, and understanding the nature of the self, being human, is like any science. Learn the rules, and apply them. Practice them. The critical thing to note is that, improper use of our nature of being will produce a bad result, a user error, but unlike math, it might not block or ruin the rest of the formula until years later. But we don’t learn in a vacuum. So, I need to practice a rule of kindness in a group setting. Seconding on the hiking group. Or mycology group or gardening group... And practice rules of kindness. The rule being a priori (theory), working out the measurements and application in experience. 

Hume believed we are made of Sense Perception, without which, there is no self. Kant took the matter of Being further and introduced the Categorical Imperative, that the Self in it's best state is one capable of reasoning and adherence to a sense of Duty. Now - this sounds a bit unattainable. But actually, Kant’s proposal is that need not be slaves to our Passions, though our innate passions might be slaves to our senses. Or simply put, we are not slaves to our emotions. But free to reason through them and choose to do what is right over what is simply nature or immediate. 

What this makes me think is that, by applying principles or values which help us Grow into our being - such as being reasonable, responsible, disciplined, and not all at once, but as a long-term trajectory with a sense of becoming and that of becoming with purpose, is quite possibly the best way of uncovering our ‘inner’ self. 

This is possibly more of an uncovering, like peeling off layers of socialised nuances which don’t actually fit with who we are internally. For instance, a simple task of setting a time to pop outside each day. Depending on your mobility, it may look different, but let’s just say it’s to go for a short walk. Or a simple task of making the bed. Unlike NeuroTypicals, these don’t bring a sense of ‘accomplishment’, but a walk reinforces a deeper respect of our human-ness, our biology, while making a bed can be about practicing kindness to the self as a forward-paying gift. Small, seemingly insignificant, but effective. And if we can learn in small steps to be kind to ourselves (not selfish, kindness takes effort, selfishness is effortless), we can easily be kind to others. 

The NT socialised layers, like ‘scales’ we’ve acquired, are a collection of cruelties. Our natural response to them perpetuates a very self-defeating survival-mode. So as we grow into our being, they slide off. They simply don’t fit and slowly become more pointless and apparent as we Grow. 

The end result is that humans feel more comfortable trusting those who Make an Effort, or aren’t Lazy. And earning trust is a valuable skill. Lasting relationships require a continual investment of kindness, intentionality and respect. Learning to respect the self is difficult, but consciously affording respect to another in small ways can help us learn to apply this internally. 

While yes, I agree like Dawn mentioned, we don't forge our inner self, but it could be years of treasure hunting and that may require work.

I feel like this is maybe too much, so feel free to interrogate all of this!