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I Don't know

Hollie

Hi, I'm hollie, I'm 36 , and I think I'm on the spectrum. 

All my life , I have never fit in. People always said I was "weird" and awkward. My mam tried getting help for me in my childhood and she basically was eye rolled at and dismissed. I remember wheni was 10, some psychologist would visit our house and was trying to figure out why I was, the way i am. And he couldn't help us. And I have struggled ever since. I have always been socially awkward,  and make inappropriate comments. Ect. I attempted suicide when I was 19, and had my son when I was 20. I struggled so much in his first few years as he was quite a handful. Which turned out being due to his asd aspergers diagnosis. And as he needed my full attention , I struggled to find myself and anyhelp I needed. (Which I would do again as his needs always come first) I met my wife in 2012 and she has picked up on so many similarities in us. And we've tried to manage my struggles. But now I have reached a point where I can't cope . I'm always in my head, I feel like I'm going abit insane because I need to start my own diagnosis journey. My wife tells me everyday when I do something that could be down to autism. 

We really think it is more on the ADHD/ Aspergers side of autism. 

I really need some guidance on what to do, how to do it, what to ask for with my GP. 

Can anyone point me in the right direction? 

Thanks for reading Blush

  • in reply to Hollie

    i never did, they booked me for a assessement and it never came. they dont care, they dont wanna do their jobs, they just wanna sit around and be paid for nothing.

  • in reply to MartinW

    Ah yeah, lockdown has knocked everything out of place hasn't it,

    That's a good idea to read up while waiting.ive been looking at some websites and reading people's stories of their journey. 

    If I do get a diagnosis, I think it will make me feel exactly how you have said. Blush

  • in reply to Hollie

    Oh right! Well if you end up using the same services I did, they were all genuinely helpful, respectful, understanding, and couldn't really have done more. It was just the wait that was frustrating. To be honest, much of the wait was while we were in lockdown - which I adapted to much better than most of my colleagues for example, from a mental health perspective, as I am happy at home. The longer the wait went on, the more I read up, the more sure I was that I was autistic. So I just kind of gradually adjusted to it and came to terms with it. I think the real blow to my mental health would have actually been if they had turned around and said I wasn't autistic - I wouldn't really have known where to turn or what to do. I'm still processing it, but I do feel much better knowing.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Thanks for your reply. 

    Yeah that is exactly what I'm scared of. I have fibromyalgia and it has had this similar response. I get eye rolls and the tone in the gp changed like they don't believe me. 

    When did you get your diagnosis? 

  • in reply to MartinW

    Yeah, that's exactly it. I feel like I know that I am. I've always felt out of place. 

    4 years is a long time, did the wait impact on your mental health? 

    I'm in county Durham too so I hope I don't have a long wait also.

  • in reply to Hollie

    Not a problem at all. There are lots of autistic adults on here, I've found it very supportive, and when you have questions, there is normally someone with a helpful viewpoint. As I say, getting a diagnosis certainly worked for me, I wish I'd done it sooner, but some people choose not to go for a diagnosis, and obviously that's fine too. I've found things make a lot more sense since I found out.

    The waiting time can be frustrating and you can feel like you are in limbo a bit - as I say it was about three or four years where I live (Durham) but that may have been partly because of covid.

    I'll be totally honest and say that all of the things you posted suggest you may well be autistic. Basically, my experience was that you just know. I would have been amazed if they had turned around and said I wasn't. So places like this can be really helpful while you go through the process. 

  • its a hard one because the GPs and health service as you already know, dont really care and wont do anything. will probably ask you a dumb question like "do you want to be diagnosed with asd?" and then say that as if they doubt you... i guess they have aload of kids these days going to them with that trying to get a diagnosis for tiktok and so it ruins it for the people that actually needs help as the GPs then doubt us all and ignore us because of it.

  • in reply to MartinW

    Hi, thank you so much for your reply. I've never spoken to another adult with autism before to get advice. I think I will feel the same as you did , like a weight off my shoulders just to understand myself and know who I am. Thank you

  • Hi Hollie and welcome. The first step would be to go to your GP and explain why you think you may be autistic (basically what you've posted here). It's a long process - took me four years from first visiting the GP to getting a diagnosis (though Covid may have affected that). My experience was that the GP didn't do anything other than refer me to the local mental health NHS Trust. After a few months, they did a screening exercise (basically just an interview in person for a couple of hours), they felt there was enough to refer me for a specialist assessment. That involved a couple of interviews, and that led to my diagnosis.

    Obviously whether to seek diagnosis or not is a very personal decision. Personally, I'm really glad that I did, it has been a weight off my shoulders, and if anything I just wish I had done it earlier.