I’m having a hard time staying motivated.

There's a lot in here. I'm curious how old you are? How old are your parents and what do you mean by them relying on you.

It's easy to confuse laziness with exhaustion and you sound to me as if you're exhausted, stretched in too many directions. When was the last time you took a week off just for yourself - phone off, no responsibilities, no socialising, just a week regenerating? 

I was expected to get a job at 15. I wasn't taught agency, had an overbearing mother and didn't know how to make choices. I wasn't taught how to manage time or finances or self-care/self-compassion. Subsequently, I went undiagnosed into my 20s, knowing nothing about what talents I could develop and craft and what limits would keep me buried alive. I applied for jobs I was ill-suited for and would get 'let-go' and continually reprimanded at them because no one knew I had executive function mismatch with modern society. I appeared mysterious and a bit eccentric, but my clothes didn't match my 'quirky' personality, so I'd get overlooked for more suitable roles because no one could really see me, but in fairness, I couldn't quite see myself. I broke down on repeat, I even had a boyfriend who became hesitant about us due to my inability to keep a job.

What I needed was time alone, time to explore, time to heal from growing up the way I did and time to listen and become. This sounds a bit nebulous, but I think how it plays out is different for everyone. I found a job making coffee which I didn't mind too much while I could focus on learned / disciplining music skills which I didn't realise I had. I wrote, I walked, I read, I learned anything I could and slowly emerged from what felt like a fog. It was important to find a vision - not exactly just one, but a sort of possibility and future goals to work toward. Without this, I would be stumbling in the dark. Perhaps to start, I needed to make a list of 10 small things to accomplish over the next year and 10 big goals that seemed well beyond my capacity to accomplish in 10 years. Put it away and take it out after 5. As for the small ones, stick to finishing one detail at a time and move on to the next. 

Just barely living and breaking down and pushing through is beneficial to no one, most of all yourself. 

There's a lot in here. I'm curious how old you are? How old are your parents and what do you mean by them relying on you.

It's easy to confuse laziness with exhaustion and you sound to me as if you're exhausted, stretched in too many directions. When was the last time you took a week off just for yourself - phone off, no responsibilities, no socialising, just a week regenerating? 

I was expected to get a job at 15. I wasn't taught agency, had an overbearing mother and didn't know how to make choices. I wasn't taught how to manage time or finances or self-care/self-compassion. Subsequently, I went undiagnosed into my 20s, knowing nothing about what talents I could develop and craft and what limits would keep me buried alive. I applied for jobs I was ill-suited for and would get 'let-go' and continually reprimanded at them because no one knew I had executive function mismatch with modern society. I appeared mysterious and a bit eccentric, but my clothes didn't match my 'quirky' personality, so I'd get overlooked for more suitable roles because no one could really see me, but in fairness, I couldn't quite see myself. I broke down on repeat, I even had a boyfriend who became hesitant about us due to my inability to keep a job.

What I needed was time alone, time to explore, time to heal from growing up the way I did and time to listen and become. This sounds a bit nebulous, but I think how it plays out is different for everyone. I found a job making coffee which I didn't mind too much while I could focus on learned / disciplining music skills which I didn't realise I had. I wrote, I walked, I read, I learned anything I could and slowly emerged from what felt like a fog. It was important to find a vision - not exactly just one, but a sort of possibility and future goals to work toward. Without this, I would be stumbling in the dark. Perhaps to start, I needed to make a list of 10 small things to accomplish over the next year and 10 big goals that seemed well beyond my capacity to accomplish in 10 years. Put it away and take it out after 5. As for the small ones, stick to finishing one detail at a time and move on to the next. 

Just barely living and breaking down and pushing through is beneficial to no one, most of all yourself.