I have low self-esteem, envy others better than me, I am suicidal and have irritable thoughts about killing my former bullies. I have been called "Stupid", "Idiot" and a "Loser for having Autism and Learning Disorder.
I once was so gaslighted by those former bullies, that I once believed them and stopped learning all together, because I thought that I will never learn, but they are wrong and learned not to quit.
I hate when people use R word and similar words, I feel deranged and personality disordered after all this.
I am upset, I am sorry! 
