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LGBTQ+

ConcreteRose

Hi

So, I recently told my mum I was bi (she was fine with it- as far as I know) but I'm not sure if she told my dad. When someone on the tv said they had recently come out as bi my dad gave a quick look to me, which made me think she has. However since I came out as non-binary and specifically bi my dad has been treating me differently. Nothing very major but he doesn't talk to me as much, he won't really look at me and when he looks at me he doesn't really smile. This may not seem big but how much he does it is really evident we haven't had a proper conversation since. I usually have to initiate talking, he sometimes won't even look at me and will not engage in the conversation. He doesn't use my correct pronouns.

I am scared we are starting to lose our relationship and I don't what I could do to make him feel less uncomfortable. I don't want him to not accept me. This has been going on for a few weeks. I hardly see him anyways and when I do, I notice him chatting to my sister more than he usually does.

Can anyone give me some tips on how to repair this, please.

Parents

  • Hi, I am also non-binary and my parents are not great at my pronouns and my mother in particular makes absolutely no effort to even attempt using them. 

    It sounds like a good first step for you may be having a straight conversation with your father as it currently sounds like you just haven't really talked about it. There are good internet resources out there, you could ask him to read some you pre prepared if that is easier for you and he is likely to do it.

    I personally have chosen not to fight this particular battle until I leave home in October, at which point I will be coming out to my extended family and fully intend on correcting all incorrect usages in my presence. I'm told a noise maker app on an phone can come in handy at family gatherings but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, it sucks when family doesn't accept you. Keep going and you'll be amazed what persistent throwing of evidence will do, after all, 8 years ago my mother was busy denying that my brother an I were autistic, and now she completely accepts that fact, even if she's a little bit misunderstanding about how some of it works. You can get through this, quite possibly with your relationship with your dad and the rest of your family intact

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  • Hi, I am also non-binary and my parents are not great at my pronouns and my mother in particular makes absolutely no effort to even attempt using them. 

    It sounds like a good first step for you may be having a straight conversation with your father as it currently sounds like you just haven't really talked about it. There are good internet resources out there, you could ask him to read some you pre prepared if that is easier for you and he is likely to do it.

    I personally have chosen not to fight this particular battle until I leave home in October, at which point I will be coming out to my extended family and fully intend on correcting all incorrect usages in my presence. I'm told a noise maker app on an phone can come in handy at family gatherings but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, it sucks when family doesn't accept you. Keep going and you'll be amazed what persistent throwing of evidence will do, after all, 8 years ago my mother was busy denying that my brother an I were autistic, and now she completely accepts that fact, even if she's a little bit misunderstanding about how some of it works. You can get through this, quite possibly with your relationship with your dad and the rest of your family intact

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