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2 NDs in a bed? Recipe for success or disaster. Dating.

tophatstomper

I would like to find another girlfriend and be in love again. This has made me think of finding and hoping to date someone with similar issues and problems

I have never dated someone with similar issues or someone ND, but I met someone a long time ago who I really got along with and was ND and thought to myself - I could date this woman but I was taken for so not interested at the time.

I have been thinking about it and it could potentially be wonderful, we would help one another and have a good idea of why they behave the way they do.

But, I also think 'chain reactions' and nuclear explosions.

I would like to know from other people if this is a good idea or not?

Parents

  • My partner and I are both autistic, although she still hasn't been 'officially' diagnosed. I also have anxiety and am a people pleaser by nature... she has PTSD and BPD (borderline personality disorder), which both make interaction and long-standing relationships with others extremely difficult and even distressing. So, strictly on paper, we should not be good for each other at all. We both have our issues and we're both working on them...

    But in 10 years of knowing one another, 3 years dating, can you guess how many arguments we've had? Zero. I honestly was always on the fence about the existence of 'soulmates', and I don't think much of higher powers, but even so I truly believe knowing her was destiny, for lack of a better term. We are connected mentally and emotionally in ways I've experienced with literally nobody else, before or since. I could gush about her forever.

    But I say this to tell you it is absolutely possible for you. Both you and your partner having neurodivergencies isn't strictly necessary by any means, but I can wholeheartedly recommend it. In the end it really is the same as dating is as a neurotypical person - it's about finding somebody compatible in both mind and spirit. After that, it's just about how committed you are to this particular person, finding compromises where necessary and understanding (or at the very least accepting) one another and your individual quirks to the fullest. There's always a chance that a new relationship could turn sour, that there could be 'chain reactions', but it's no more likely to happen with a fellow autistic than with anybody else. The chances are in fact slimmer, as you can draw from personal experience on certain aspects.

    And remember, despite what I've said above, there can definitely be more than one 'right person' for you. The world is a very big place, so there's no doubt your next girlfriend is out there, possibly feeling similarly to you. Best of luck!

  • in reply to Abbie

    That sounds very positive and it sounds like a very nice relationship you are a part of, thank you for taking time to write.

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