Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago aged 35. Currently I am really struggling to cope with existing. I am probably described as low functioning. The very basics, such as making food for myself, overwhelms me. I need a lot of care from my partner and he runs the house.
I used to be good at some things, especially after understanding my diagnosis. I could focus on something and steamroll through it. Projects. I’d get good ideas and I’m a perfectionist so could execute them well. But now I am nothing but distracted, disjointed, and feel pressure on me from all sides which is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable to be awake. I don’t know who I am. I struggle to leave the bed, let alone the room.
My diagnostic team gave me good care and a follow up appointment, but say they cannot help me any further. I don’t know where to go for help on how to live as myself and how to not be in mental pain every day. I just don’t feel like I should exist. Everything is wrong and I’m screaming inside.
I have been turned down for an ADHD assessment after my diagnostic team referred me due to scoring very high on the preliminary test. I feel like the symptoms I struggle with in the moment are ones linked to ADHD rather than autism. But no one will help me. I’m making my family sad by slowly declining more each week it seems.
Who will help adults with autism? I need help with overcoming food issues as well. I struggle to eat balanced food or eat at all sometimes. And just eat chocolate. I am so lost and know I can’t kill myself because I have children. Who can help me? I don’t have a regular GP and our appointments are done via email.
Hello.
I'm sorry you are going through this, you are not alone if that helps, because I am also going through the wringer at the moment and I am also a similar age to you - lost, burnt out, lost some more and at a point of wishing a pack of dogs would take me into the woods for their dinner. Oh, and extremely lost in my life, if I hadn't mentioned it before. I also suffer from autism and I have an ADHD diagnosis since I was a young boy.
I think the NHS is still very much in the good old days of 'oh, only boys have that', when it comes to ADHD. I know it's easier to identify in boys than it is in girls. Maybe, push for another assessment.
I have mental pain much of the day too, a few little reliefs from it. But they're few and far between. I know exercising like swimming or going to the sauna can help, but the challenge is getting there and also having to sometimes talk to strangers you definitely don't want to be talking with. I used to self medicate and dance in my garage for hours - but I don't recommend that as it just makes the next day more difficult and you repeat and you find yourself even more lost and unwell.
I am also in some decline as well and I am finding it difficult to access help. The NHS seems pretty useless when it comes to me and also the mental health charities. I travelled a few times to Nottingham to go to an ADHD support group, we shared books and advice on how to deal with our problems. I found it slightly helpful, but it was not worth the travelling. A great book on adult ADHD, full of advice and tips is 'You mean I am not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?' - I think you could even lift it form the net for free if you look.
Try healthy distraction techniques, if you like music, I think you should play it. I sometimes swear out loud and shout, I scream into a pillow and shout all the bad stuff I can think of into it and I also punch the hell out of it. I find that helps. Think back to when you were enjoying doing something, it could be anything like walking, exercising or doing a 'project' like you mentioned. Think of steps to doing that stuff that helped and rewarded you with relief, happiness and the like.
There definitely isn’t enough help. My GP gave me a phone number that was some kind of crisis line. I was really desperate one day and phoned it - it was really useless. ‘Try journaling’ was the main advice - not exactly massively helpful! I sometimes wish I had autistic friends as everyone on here seems to really understand the sorts of problems me and my family have. It’s good to talk on here and feel less alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on here.
Crisis line sounds useless. What a crock!