Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago aged 35. Currently I am really struggling to cope with existing. I am probably described as low functioning. The very basics, such as making food for myself, overwhelms me. I need a lot of care from my partner and he runs the house.
I used to be good at some things, especially after understanding my diagnosis. I could focus on something and steamroll through it. Projects. I’d get good ideas and I’m a perfectionist so could execute them well. But now I am nothing but distracted, disjointed, and feel pressure on me from all sides which is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable to be awake. I don’t know who I am. I struggle to leave the bed, let alone the room.
My diagnostic team gave me good care and a follow up appointment, but say they cannot help me any further. I don’t know where to go for help on how to live as myself and how to not be in mental pain every day. I just don’t feel like I should exist. Everything is wrong and I’m screaming inside.
I have been turned down for an ADHD assessment after my diagnostic team referred me due to scoring very high on the preliminary test. I feel like the symptoms I struggle with in the moment are ones linked to ADHD rather than autism. But no one will help me. I’m making my family sad by slowly declining more each week it seems.
Who will help adults with autism? I need help with overcoming food issues as well. I struggle to eat balanced food or eat at all sometimes. And just eat chocolate. I am so lost and know I can’t kill myself because I have children. Who can help me? I don’t have a regular GP and our appointments are done via email.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m going through a really bad time at the moment too - and really struggling to cope. Every day is so difficult at the moment - I have really dreadful anxiety and I’m completely exhausted. Like you I have a very supportive partner and I feel so guilty that I can’t cope with things at the moment - he’s so patient with me and I feel guilty that I can’t be stronger. Like you I sometimes feel I cannot go on but I would never kill myself because I wouldn’t want my children to have to live with that. My youngest son (who is also autistic) very much still needs me on a day to day basis and I don’t want to abandon him - that keeps me from intending to act on my thoughts of not being able to go on. where is the help for us? I don’t know. I’ve been referred for therapy but I suspect it won’t be much use - it’s one of those contracted out private provider things that are mostly online. Do you have supportive wider family and/or friends? If you ever want to chat I am here for you. I know what it’s like to find every say so difficult and overwhelming. I’m only just managing to keep going at the moment - I wake up and my first thought is that I’m going to have to face another day of feeling terrible. I just want to feel happy again! The pandemic has really damaged my mental health, and I was really (physically) ill late last year and am still getting over that. I’m so tired. sending you best wishes and solidarity x