Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago aged 35. Currently I am really struggling to cope with existing. I am probably described as low functioning. The very basics, such as making food for myself, overwhelms me. I need a lot of care from my partner and he runs the house.
I used to be good at some things, especially after understanding my diagnosis. I could focus on something and steamroll through it. Projects. I’d get good ideas and I’m a perfectionist so could execute them well. But now I am nothing but distracted, disjointed, and feel pressure on me from all sides which is uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable to be awake. I don’t know who I am. I struggle to leave the bed, let alone the room.
My diagnostic team gave me good care and a follow up appointment, but say they cannot help me any further. I don’t know where to go for help on how to live as myself and how to not be in mental pain every day. I just don’t feel like I should exist. Everything is wrong and I’m screaming inside.
I have been turned down for an ADHD assessment after my diagnostic team referred me due to scoring very high on the preliminary test. I feel like the symptoms I struggle with in the moment are ones linked to ADHD rather than autism. But no one will help me. I’m making my family sad by slowly declining more each week it seems.
Who will help adults with autism? I need help with overcoming food issues as well. I struggle to eat balanced food or eat at all sometimes. And just eat chocolate. I am so lost and know I can’t kill myself because I have children. Who can help me? I don’t have a regular GP and our appointments are done via email.
I wonder if it might be autistic burnout, that you're just overwhelmed from the stress of being autistic in a neurotypical world. It might also be depression. I had burnout and depression for years which bled into each other (although the burnout was not diagnosed as I was not diagnosed autistic at the time).
Why do you think the symptoms are related to ADHD rather than autism?
Is it possible to get a new GP? It's pot luck whether you get one who understands autism, but it might help. They might also be able to prescribe antidepressants which might help if it's more depression than burnout, or refer you to a psychiatrist.
I'm sorry I can't be more help, I struggled for years with something similar and still do struggle to some extent.