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Searching for being "good enough"?

mrs.snooks

Hi all. I wondered if you had any tips of ways of helping to believe being "good enough".

I am a perfectionist and also quite competitive. Work is very important to me and I compare myself to a colleague who is super brilliant at the job we do. I am having trouble believing I am good enough, when I am not as good as her.

A friend has said that it is about being "good enough" and I believe that is what I am looking for, but it is not always possible for me to believe that about myself. 

I struggle with the problems I have with my austism a lot of the time and work is important because it gives me value in myself. I'm struggling to find value in my life today.

I kjnow that I am more than my job. But work feels like is the only thing that I am good at, so when someone is bettter than me, it really shakes my confidence.

Any advice would be really appreciated.

Parents

  • Well the perfectionist mindset will likely make you feel flawed and not good enough a majority of the time. It is because right now, your value and self-worth is directly tied to the work that you manage to do, and if something goes wrong with the work, you equate it to something being wrong with you, and that's the meaning of taking things personally. People often say "don't take it personally," and "don't compare yourself to others" but they never explain things further than that, they never explain how to do those things.

    When an experimenter is tinkering with a machine and it fails, if they were to take it personally, they would say "I have failed" and start beating themselves up for not being good enough. But to not take it personally, you have to realize that thing over there failed, that machine failed, that object. You are not that object. Ponder about what kind of ideas can you think of to fix the machine, and how can you improve the machine. Curiosity and learning about the different ways and methods to go about doing things, leads to a broader, more diversified, and deeper understanding of how things work, and leads to more knowledge and wisdom over time. It's about improving yourself from how you were before. There is no one to compare yourself to, except to see how much you've grown in knowledge and skill from how you were yesterday, or even a year ago. 

    Perhaps reading about the differences between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset could help you further. 

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    Thank you for you reply. I've not heard of a growth mindset, but it sounds really interetsing. Will look out for some reading. I have some annual leave coming up, so sounds like the ideal opportunity. 

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